October 31, 2021 Excuse Me, My Son Purchased Some of Your Bathwater and Never Received It Excuse Me, My Son Purchased Some of Your Bathwater and Never Received It Excuse me, I don’t usually do this kind of thing, and while I certainly hate to complain, my little son Dylan recently used some of…
October 29, 2021 Gaming Session Meant to Blow Off Steam Just Makes Everything Worse Gaming Session Meant to Blow Off Steam Just Makes Everything Worse SAN DIEGO — Local gamer Trevor Ingram’s plan to just, like, chill out for a little while and play some games at the end of…
October 29, 2021 Insufferable No Man’s Sky Fan Liked It Better When It Sucked Insufferable No Man’s Sky Fan Liked It Better When It Sucked OKLAHOMA CITY — A smug fan of space exploration simulator No Man’s Sky reportedly preferred the initial version of the game that sucked real bad,…
October 21, 2021 Nintendo Announces They’ve Changed Their Mind About the N64 Stuff Nintendo Announces They’ve Changed Their Mind About the N64 Stuff REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo announced today that they’ve abruptly changed their minds and will not in fact be adding long-awaited Nintendo 64 titles to Switch…
October 19, 2021 Uninspired Jason Voorhees Buys Gun Uninspired Jason Voorhees Buys Gun CRYSTAL LAKE — A number of concerned locals have reportedly witnessed famed local murderer Jason Voorhees filling out the appropriate paperwork to purchase a firearm. …
October 17, 2021 Naked Guy at Con Insists He’s Cosplaying Terminator Naked Guy at Con Insists He’s Cosplaying Terminator NEW YORK — A nude man causing a commotion at a recent New York Comic Con repeatedly assured witnesses and authorities that he was merely…
October 15, 2021 Guy Who Doesn’t Have $60 Right Now Googles “New Metroid Bad” Guy Who Doesn’t Have $60 Right Now Googles “New Metroid Bad” ARLINGTON, Va. — Local gamer Roderick Pierce, who currently does not have $60, was recently seen googling the phrase “New Metroid bad” on his phone,…
October 14, 2021 Windows 11 Review: Where the Fuck Is Space Cadet 3D Pinball? Windows 11 Review: Where the Fuck Is Space Cadet 3D Pinball? Microsoft has released its highly publicized, widely scrutinized newest operating system, an update to its pioneering software simply called Windows 11, and it features one…
October 12, 2021 Gamer’s Friends Unsure Why He Needs to Own Tecmo Super Bowl Soundtrack on Vinyl Gamer’s Friends Unsure Why He Needs to Own Tecmo Super Bowl Soundtrack on Vinyl DETROIT — A recent gathering of friends at local gamer Matt Salazar’s house led them to wonder amongst themselves why exactly he felt compelled to…
