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Nintendo Announces They’ve Changed Their Mind About the N64 Stuff


REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo announced today that they’ve abruptly changed their minds and will not in fact be adding long-awaited Nintendo 64 titles to Switch Online this Monday. 

“Yeah, we’ve changed our mind on that,” said Doug Bowser, President of Nintendo of America. “We’d obviously thought long and hard and had a lot of internal discussions before we went for it in the first place, and once we put the word out, it just didn’t feel right. As such, we’re not going to be uploading that stuff on Monday. Sorry if you were looking forward to it. Breath of the Wild 2 is still happening, though. So there’s that.”

“We don’t know about the Sega games,” he added. “We’re gonna have to wait and see.” 

Fans that had been critical of the service’s price point when it was revealed last week grew even more critical at Nintendo following the news. 

“Wow, they are just digging themselves into deeper shit,” said Terry Aimsworth, who has been critical of Nintendo’s pricing for several years despite not owning a Switch. “First they sit on these games for years, then they put them out for the absolutely insulting price of fifty dollars a year. And then they do the even more insulting thing of not letting people pay them a measly fifty dollars for the games they want! I guess these Nintendo dorks just can’t win, huh? Seems like a pretty sad existence.” 

Despite the long awaited feature being pulled away from them, many Nintendo fans said they’d continue to support the company. 

“Ah yeah, well, easy come easy go, that’s life as a Nintendo guy, I guess,” said John Carol, a Nintendo guy. “You just have to know that for every one or two stone cold bangers they release, there’s like a half dozen Virtual Boys or Power Gloves. Which is to say nothing of their commitment to flat out infuriating online features. Yeah, this actually is like the most Nintendo thing they could do, aside from suing me for talking to you guys about them.”

As of press time, they should really put N64 games up on Switch.