May 14, 2021 Mass Shootings Drop to 0 After Congress Increases Minimum Death Requirement to 1,000 Mass Shootings Drop to 0 After Congress Increases Minimum Death Requirement to 1,000 WASHINGTON — Democrats and Republicans in the Senate voted unanimously today on a bill that raises the minimum number of deaths required for something to…
May 13, 2021 Earth 616 Residents Wary of New Vaccine Developed by Team of Brilliant Scientists Earth 616 Residents Wary of New Vaccine Developed by Team of Brilliant Scientists NEW YORK — Residents of Earth 616’s New York City are reportedly wary of a new COVID-19 vaccine that was created by the top scientists…
May 3, 2021 Incredible: How This Millennial Was Able to Buy Their Own Farm at 21 All On Their Own Incredible: How This Millennial Was Able to Buy Their Own Farm at 21 All On Their Own While most millennials are worrying about paying off their college debt and working multiple jobs to make ends meet, one millennial was able to pull…
April 22, 2021 Vaccinated Gamer Unlocks ‘Social Gathering’ Skill Tree Vaccinated Gamer Unlocks ‘Social Gathering’ Skill Tree NEW YORK — Local gamer Caroline Silva unlocked the ‘social gathering’ skill tree on her abilities menu exactly two weeks after receiving her second Moderna…
April 21, 2021 Couple Planning Wedding Forced to Make Tier List of Friends Couple Planning Wedding Forced to Make Tier List of Friends RALEIGH, N.C. — Local engaged couple Elaiza Tan and Kate Figueroa were frustrated having to sort all of their friends into a big tier list…
April 20, 2021 Seth Rogen Battles Quarantine Loneliness By Making Giant Ceramic Jonah Hill Seth Rogen Battles Quarantine Loneliness By Making Giant Ceramic Jonah Hill BURBANK, Calif. — Comedic actor Seth Rogen posted a photo on Instagram today revealing that he had created a 20 foot tall ceramic Jonah Hill…
April 19, 2021 Wealthy Cannibal Conflicted on “Eat the Rich” Wealthy Cannibal Conflicted on “Eat the Rich” TUCSON, Ariz. — Local cannibal Stewart Loarfy is reportedly conflicted about the rise of “eat the rich” sentiments on account of his massive wealth, according…
April 18, 2021 Pope Heartbroken to Discover Church Is Evil in Most JRPGs Pope Heartbroken to Discover Church Is Evil in Most JRPGs VATICAN CITY — Following an announcement from Vatican officials that Pope Francis has started playing video games to pass time during quarantine, the Pope has…
April 16, 2021 U.S. Government Reaches Agreement With Wario64 to Announce COVID Vaccine Availability U.S. Government Reaches Agreement With Wario64 to Announce COVID Vaccine Availability WASHINGTON — The United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has reached an agreement with popular video game deals twitter account Wario64 to announce…
