December 9, 2021 Team Rocket Mortified as Teleporter Pad Fuses Child With Butterfree Team Rocket Mortified as Teleporter Pad Fuses Child With Butterfree SAFFRON CITY, Kanto — Members of notorious crime syndicate Team Rocket were horrified to discover that a small child who stumbled into their headquarters accidentally…
December 8, 2021 Opinion: Their Life Points are Low, There’s No Way They’re Coming Back! Opinion: Their Life Points are Low, There’s No Way They’re Coming Back! Ha-ha! Tremble in fear at my formidable Duel Monsters skills, onlookers! It is I, Literally Any Fucking ‘Yu-Gi-Oh!’ Rival Character You Can Possibly Imagine, and…
December 1, 2021 Gotham Opera Singer Glad Dicks Who Walked Out Got What Was Coming Gotham Opera Singer Glad Dicks Who Walked Out Got What Was Coming GOTHAM CITY — The lead singer of Wayne Opera House’s production of Mefistofele has gone on record saying the assholes who left the show halfway…
November 12, 2021 Trans CSI Character Breaks Barriers by Being Both a Serial Killer and a Dead Sex Worker Trans CSI Character Breaks Barriers by Being Both a Serial Killer and a Dead Sex Worker LAS VEGAS — In a groundbreaking achievement for social progress, the transgender character on an upcoming episode of CSI: Vegas is set to simultaneously be…
October 15, 2021 Nintendo Confirms Link’s Last Name Is Also Mario Nintendo Confirms Link’s Last Name Is Also Mario REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo announced today that the iconic character Link, star of The Legend of Zelda, has the last name “Mario,” identical to the…
September 14, 2021 Pokémon Isn’t Shiny, Just Really Inbred Pokémon Isn’t Shiny, Just Really Inbred NEW BARK TOWN, Johto — A novice trainer mistook a horrifyingly deformed Pokémon for a rare, naturally occurring Shiny variant, as part of a startling…
August 19, 2021 Every SNES Game You Don’t Own Now Worth Over $100 Every SNES Game You Don’t Own Now Worth Over $100 PEORIA, Ill. — Game industry analysts tracking the resale price of classic video games have noticed the remarkable coincidence that every single Super Nintendo cartridge…
July 2, 2021 Report: Local Wizard About to Do Some Major Orb Shit Report: Local Wizard About to Do Some Major Orb Shit MADISON, Wis. — Notorious local spellcaster Angwyn Abernant has been spotted fondling his crystal ball for five hours straight, with many residents anticipating some crazy…
June 27, 2021 Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’ Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’ MIDDLETON, Wis. — Local dipshit and occasional tabletop gamer Christian Taylor has cancelled on his supposedly regular Dungeons and Dragons group yet again with the…
