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Opinion: Their Life Points are Low, There’s No Way They’re Coming Back!


Ha-ha! Tremble in fear at my formidable Duel Monsters skills, onlookers! It is I, Literally Any Fucking ‘Yu-Gi-Oh!’ Rival Character You Can Possibly Imagine, and I’m here to throw my head back in maniacal laughter. What is the occasion of this laughter, you might ask? Why, isn’t it obvious? My opponent, the weakling Yugi Muto, has a paltry 200 Life Points left, and there’s absolutely no way he’s coming back from a disadvantage like that!

My years of determination and steadfast strategizing have finally paid off. Everything has been leading up to this moment. As you can see, I’ve set up an unstoppable board state. I’ve also got the magic card, Sparks, face down on the field, which means I can wipe out Yugi at a moment’s notice even if all other contingencies fail. I’m an absolute genius! His star chips are mine, and then Pegasus will crown me the victor of Duelist Island! 

I guess I’m surprised things are going this well. After all, I’ve been following that weakling Yugi for weeks now and watching all of his past duels from the shadows. He always comes back from the brink of defeat. At this point, I’m like 80% sure he’s cheating. But that doesn’t matter, because I’m about to win the duel for sure!

Still, I have to admit my confidence is shaken after losing to that punk Joey Wheeler last week. Can you believe he managed to get the best of me by playing a card that allowed him to randomly flip a coin to determine if he won or lost? What an absolute ripoff! He even took the last card my dad ever gave me as a trophy…part of me is just glad he isn’t around any more to see what my life has become. But maybe I’ll end up getting banished to the Shadow Realm for eternity just like him…nah, what am I saying? I have this duel all locked up with the killing blow in sight! Yugi’s toast!

I guess the only thing I haven’t considered is if he happens to have the one stupidly overpowered trap card in his deck that could reverse my entire strategy. Even if that were true, he would have to pull it at this exact right moment to have a chance at surviving. Yeah, right, like that’ll happen!