zelda

Termina Resident Convinced Giant, Ominous Moon a Liberal HoaxTermina Resident Convinced Giant, Ominous Moon a Liberal Hoax

Termina Resident Convinced Giant, Ominous Moon Liberal Hoax

CLOCK TOWN — A Termina citizen took to the streets yesterday to denounce the large, ominous moon inching ever closer…

5 years ago
Young Link Shaken After Seeing What a Loser Virgin He Grows Up to BeYoung Link Shaken After Seeing What a Loser Virgin He Grows Up to Be

Young Link Shaken After Seeing What Loser Virgin He Grows Up to Be

HYRULE — Feeling completely shaken after pulling the Master Sword from its pedestal, unlocking the path to the Sacred Realm and…

5 years ago
Nintendo Leaks Worsen as Hackers Reveal Shigeru Miyamoto’s Entire DNA SequenceNintendo Leaks Worsen as Hackers Reveal Shigeru Miyamoto’s Entire DNA Sequence

Nintendo Leaks Worsen as Hackers Reveal Shigeru Miyamoto’s Entire DNA Sequence

KYOTO, Japan — After suffering a string of damaging data breaches and leaked trade secrets such as hardware specs and console…

5 years ago
Happy Mask Salesman Immediately Sells Out Entire Stock of N95 Deku MasksHappy Mask Salesman Immediately Sells Out Entire Stock of N95 Deku Masks

Happy Mask Salesman Immediately Sells Out Entire Stock of N95 Deku Masks

CLOCK TOWN — Selling out his entire inventory after five minutes of announcing a restock, the Happy Mask Salesman announced to…

5 years ago
Looter Has Zero Regard for Neighbor’s PropertyLooter Has Zero Regard for Neighbor’s Property

Looter Has Zero Regard for Neighbor’s Property

HYRULE — A local looter named Link was seen breaking into random buildings, destroying valuable clay pots and stealing the…

5 years ago
Sephora Launches New Majora’s Mask, Leaving Women Exfoliated and Burdened With Dark MagicSephora Launches New Majora’s Mask, Leaving Women Exfoliated and Burdened With Dark Magic

Sephora Launches New Majora’s Mask, Leaving Women Exfoliated and Burdened With Dark Magic

SEATTLE — Sephora patrons rushed into local stores early Friday for the launch of Majora's Mask, Nintendo’s limited-time exfoliation product,…

5 years ago
Novelty Zelda Wallet Only Holds a Maximum of $99Novelty Zelda Wallet Only Holds a Maximum of $99

Novelty Zelda Wallet Only Holds Maximum of $99

NEW YORK — Upon returning from a shopping trip to the Rockefeller Center Nintendo shop, gaming enthusiast Amy Weiss was…

5 years ago
Nintendo Sends DMCA Takedown to Man’s Arm for Triforce TattooNintendo Sends DMCA Takedown to Man’s Arm for Triforce Tattoo

Nintendo Sends DMCA Takedown to Man’s Arm for Triforce Tattoo

ATLANTA — Video game company Nintendo has sent a cease and desist to local fan Denis Fernandez for his Legend…

5 years ago
Opinion: For All His Faults, Ganondorf Was a Patriot and a Man of PrincipleOpinion: For All His Faults, Ganondorf Was a Patriot and a Man of Principle

Opinion: For All His Faults, Ganondorf Was Patriot and a Man of Principle

Ganondorf Dragmire served Hyrule for seven years as it’s king and as we mourn his recent passing, it is important…

6 years ago