April 21, 2021 Couple Planning Wedding Forced to Make Tier List of Friends Couple Planning Wedding Forced to Make Tier List of Friends RALEIGH, N.C. — Local engaged couple Elaiza Tan and Kate Figueroa were frustrated having to sort all of their friends into a big tier list…
April 10, 2021 Couple Tearfully Agrees It’s Time to Main Other People Couple Tearfully Agrees It’s Time to Main Other People ROCKVILLE CENTRE, N.Y. — After several years of mastering each others’ subtle quirks, local couple Arjun Irukulapati and Ellen Cervantes have regretfully decided the time…
April 2, 2021 Embarrassed Ridley Assures Smash Player He’s Much Bigger Canonically Embarrassed Ridley Assures Smash Player He’s Much Bigger Canonically SCHENECTADY, N.Y. — Dragon-like space pirate and Super Smash Bros. Ultimate fighter Ridley assured a teary-eyed man controlling his moves at a local tournament today…
March 4, 2021 Man Who Spent 270 Hours Playing Xenoblade Series Relieved it Meant Something Man Who Spent 270 Hours Playing Xenoblade Series Relieved it Meant Something WANTAGH, N.Y. — Local gamer Lawrence Olson has reportedly breathed a sigh of relief following the announcement that the next Super Smash Bros. Ultimate DLC…
February 28, 2021 Archaeologists Uncover First Recorded Tier List in Ancient Rome Archaeologists Uncover First Recorded Tier List in Ancient Rome ROME — After reconstructing an ancient piece of pottery featuring various Roman gladiators categorized by their perceived strength, ability, and matchup spread, a team of…
September 22, 2020 Geneticists Raise Ethical Questions After Successfully Creating Echo Fighter of Sheep Geneticists Raise Ethical Questions After Successfully Creating Echo Fighter of Sheep EDINBURGH, Scotland — In a huge scientific breakthrough that also raises many ethical questions, geneticists at the University of Edinburgh’s Roslin Institute announced yesterday that…
August 15, 2020 Diddy Kong Accused of Using System of Barrels to Skip First Two Years of College Diddy Kong Accused of Using System of Barrels to Skip First Two Years of College EAST LANSING, Mich. — Diddy Kong is the latest celebrity to stand accused of using his celebrity status to bypass the rigors of higher education,…
July 21, 2020 Disgraced ‘Smash Bros.’ Player Announces Hiatus, Plans to Main Self for a Little While Disgraced ‘Smash Bros.’ Player Announces Hiatus, Plans to Main Self for a Little While SEATTLE — Tyler Wendell, the latest pro Super Smash Bros. player accused of sexual misconduct, has announced that he will be taking some time off…
July 3, 2020 Fuck It: Gamers Canceled Fuck It: Gamers Canceled WORLDWIDE — The Super Smash Bros. community is in shock today after dozens of people came forward with sexual assault and pedophilia allegations against many,…
