June 27, 2021 Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’ Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’ MIDDLETON, Wis. — Local dipshit and occasional tabletop gamer Christian Taylor has cancelled on his supposedly regular Dungeons and Dragons group yet again with the…
November 29, 2020 Dog Wastes Only Inventory Slot on Frisbee Dog Wastes Only Inventory Slot on Frisbee SEATTLE — Adorable old english sheepdog and total noob, Pancakes, blew the only slot in his extremely limited inventory on a single frisbee, disappointed sources…
September 22, 2020 Loser Spends Three Years Earning Master’s Degree When He Could’ve Been Writing a Sick D&D Campaign Loser Spends Three Years Earning Master’s Degree When He Could’ve Been Writing a Sick D&D Campaign RALEIGH, N.C. — A local graduate’s Masters of Fine Arts degree was tainted by the realization the past three years could have been spent crafting…
August 30, 2020 Dungeon Master Sneaks a Few Real Dice in With Those Sex Ones Dungeon Master Sneaks a Few Real Dice in With Those Sex Ones PITTSBURGH — A recent attempt at invigorating the intimacy of Dana Boyer’s relationship with an avid role-playing fanatic ended horribly after her husband Stephen Barker…
August 5, 2020 D&D Party Prepares for Yet Another Battle With How Much Their DM Sucks D&D Party Prepares for Yet Another Battle With How Much Their DM Sucks BOULDER, Colo. — A group of friends playing Dungeons & Dragons faced yet another encounter with the most difficult recurring villain in their campaign —…
July 11, 2020 Dungeon Master Increases Puzzle’s Difficulty by Describing It Shittily Dungeon Master Increases Puzzle’s Difficulty by Describing It Shittily SILVERTON, Ore. — In a groundbreaking move to combat his players’ adeptness at solving riddles and subverting challenges, local dungeon master Dan Richards supercharged the…
May 26, 2020 D&D Party Plans Intervention for Character’s Item Hoarding D&D Party Plans Intervention for Character’s Item Hoarding GREENE, N.Y. — A local Dungeons and Dragons group recently completed a three hour session that was secretly planned as an intervention for the item…
April 26, 2020 Wizard Casts ‘Mage Hand’ So It Feels Like Someone Else is Doing It Wizard Casts ‘Mage Hand’ So It Feels Like Someone Else is Doing It CHICAGO — Local level 2 Half-Elf wizard Stedd Tallstag recently casted ‘Mage Hand’ so it felt like somebody else was jacking him off after retiring…
April 15, 2020 Dungeon Master Sets Up 8-Week Long Scenario for Single Pun Dungeon Master Sets Up 8-Week Long Scenario for Single Pun SEATTLE — A group of Dungeons and Dragons players were horrified to discover that the campaign they had been playing for the last two months…
