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D&D Party Plans Intervention for Character’s Item Hoarding


D&D, dnd, dungeons and dragons, hoarding, item, pathfinder

GREENE, N.Y. — A local Dungeons and Dragons group recently completed a three hour session that was secretly planned as an intervention for the item hoarding done by Melchior, a character played by Cory Stephens.

“Melchior is always saying, ‘Oh we might need such and such item later,’ like, why the heck would we need three bags of wolves’ teeth?” said Elenor, who plays Alora, the party’s Cleric. “And since he got a Bag of Holding, it just fed into it even more. We had to do something.”

Sources say the party first brushed off Melchior’s reluctance to trade their treasure at village markets as a weird character quirk, but a year and 10 levels later, Melchior has yet to throw away a single item. Matt Billings, the party’s dungeon master, set the scene with characters waking up to an empty inn, save for a circle of chairs in the tavern below. 

“We told him we were all getting together to do a little one-off campaign,” he said. “Then when everyone sat down, I had them take turns telling him how Melchior’s item hoarding had affected them. It was tough, there was more than one unarmed strike thrown, if you catch my drift, but I think we got through to him by the end.”

In addition to blows being exchanged, several party members got emotional when reflecting upon the recent death of a party member.

“Bert would still be alive if Mechior hadn’t wasted two turns digging through that god damned Bag of Holding for a healing potion,” said Ben Harkin, who’d previously been playing the now deceased wizard, Bert. “And I wouldn’t have had to re-roll a new character. We’d almost finished Bert’s storyline and reunited him with his daughter even though we spent half the campaign rearranging our inventories to accommodate whatever cups and shoes you’d managed to steal from taverns.”

As of press time, the party is now secretly planning a second intervention for Harkin’s newest character regarding his penchant for singing improvised “funny” songs.