July 5, 2019 Indie Band Named After NES Game Also Plays Like Shit Indie Band Named After NES Game Also Plays Like Shit BLACK EARTH, Wisc. — Local garage band The Cheetahmen has come under fire due to the fact that, much like their NES game namesake, they…
September 21, 2018 Nintendo Online Service Requires Players to Call Reggie Fils-Aimé Every Week Nintendo Online Service Requires Players to Call Reggie Fils-Aimé Every Week KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo announced today that their recently launched online service now includes yet another contingency: Switch owners will be required to call Reggie Fils-Aimé,…
May 11, 2018 Man Returns to Find Roasted Chicken He Hid Inside Barrel Broken Into, Eaten Man Returns to Find Roasted Chicken He Hid Inside Barrel Broken Into, Eaten NEW YORK — While attempting to recover a full chicken dinner sealed inside a wooden barrel at an earlier date, financial analyst Michael Kann instead…
December 26, 2017 Our Duck Hunt Remake Will Feature Gorgeous 60fps Animation, A Shitload More Ducks Our Duck Hunt Remake Will Feature Gorgeous 60fps Animation, A Shitload More Ducks Hey gamers, are you tired of your childhoods being cashed in on by way of cheap reissues and “special” editions? Are you ready for a…
October 28, 2017 Mini SEGA Saturn Still Very Much in Stock Mini SEGA Saturn Still Very Much in Stock SEGA has issued the following press release reminding holiday shoppers that there is no shortage of their Mini Saturn Classic units: We here at…
October 12, 2017 Study Finds 80% of NES Characters Believe Earth is Flat, Only Moves to the Right Study Finds 80% of NES Characters Believe Earth is Flat, Only Moves to the Right BERKELEY, Calif. — A controversial U.C. Berkeley study found that 80% of classic Nintendo characters believe that the Earth is flat, and also only moves…
August 11, 2017 Kinky Cartridge Loves When You Spit in Its Mouth Kinky Cartridge Loves When You Spit in Its Mouth GLEN ROCK, N.J. — Alan Burton was shocked to find that his copy of Bad Dudes for the NES would only work when you spit…
June 27, 2017 Black Mage Tired of Being Followed Around Item Shop Black Mage Tired of Being Followed Around Item Shop CORNELIA, World A — A heated confrontation took place at the item shop earlier today, involving a black mage who claims he was being unfairly…
December 10, 2016 NES Classic Edition Lets You Play for One Hour, Then It’s Your Little Brother’s Turn NES Classic Edition Lets You Play for One Hour, Then It’s Your Little Brother’s Turn REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo’s NES Classic drew sharp reactions from critics and fans alike this week with the announcement of the console’s “time limit” feature,…
