January 12, 2021 Nation Sets Aside Differences to Agree on Timothy Olyphant Nation Sets Aside Differences to Agree on Timothy Olyphant WASHINGTON — A nation on the brink of collapse took a few moments today to universally agree that Timothy Olyphant is a charismatic actor. “Oh…
October 16, 2020 Can You Violate the Geneva Conventions in Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War, Hitman, and Blaseball? Can You Violate the Geneva Conventions in Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War, Hitman, and Blaseball? A new era is upon us. This year, a new generation of consoles will come into our homes, bringing us more realistic gaming experiences than…
August 20, 2020 Agent 47 Grateful All of Humanity Wears a 34” Inseam Agent 47 Grateful All of Humanity Wears a 34” Inseam ICA FACILITY (LOCATION UNKNOWN) — Agent 47, professional assassin, expressed great relief today at the cold hard fact that every man on earth shares the…
November 2, 2019 Man Knocked Out by Agent 47 Starts New Life After Waking Up Next to Chef Outfit Man Knocked Out by Agent 47 Starts New Life After Waking Up Next to Chef Outfit MIAMI — 35-year-old Francisco Guerreros has been living a new life as a chef after a chance encounter with a killer-for-hire left the former security…
August 10, 2019 Agent 47 Finds Manhattan Jail Mission Weirdly Easy Agent 47 Finds Manhattan Jail Mission Weirdly Easy NEW YORK — During his latest mission to kill and silence noted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein in the Manhattan Correctional Center before he could testify about…
