May 14, 2021 Mass Shootings Drop to 0 After Congress Increases Minimum Death Requirement to 1,000 Mass Shootings Drop to 0 After Congress Increases Minimum Death Requirement to 1,000 WASHINGTON — Democrats and Republicans in the Senate voted unanimously today on a bill that raises the minimum number of deaths required for something to…
June 29, 2020 Bullshit Photoshop Class Doesn’t Even Tell You How to Give Mario a Gun Bullshit Photoshop Class Doesn’t Even Tell You How to Give Mario a Gun AUSTIN, Texas — Local graphic design student Rachel Valdez expressed frustration this week after realizing her Intro to Photoshop class would not cover how to…
April 16, 2020 Guy with 3D Printer Keeps Gun Design Under Pillow Just in Case He Needs It Guy with 3D Printer Keeps Gun Design Under Pillow Just in Case He Needs It GREENSBORO, N.C. — Homeowner Kris Mullens, 47, reportedly keeps a 3D printer design for a gun under his pillow in case anyone ever breaks into…
July 23, 2019 I’ve Been in the Army a Whole Year and Haven’t Gotten to Yell ‘Reload!’ Once I’ve Been in the Army a Whole Year and Haven’t Gotten to Yell ‘Reload!’ Once Last year, I joined the US Army for all the typical reasons: to serve my country, to get a free education, and to see how…
February 24, 2019 5 Great Apex Legends Weapons That Will Be Absolutely Useless in Your Pathetic Hands 5 Great Apex Legends Weapons That Will Be Absolutely Useless in Your Pathetic Hands Are you looking to up your win rate in Apex Legends? Do you have absolutely no understanding of the basic fundamentals of gameplay? Well, you’re…
February 2, 2019 Opinion: It’s Time for Game Developers to Unionize OR Make a Game About a Guy With a Giant Fucking Gun Opinion: It’s Time for Game Developers to Unionize OR Make a Game About a Guy With a Giant Fucking Gun Considering the grueling working conditions for video game developers, the long hours they put in for little to no overtime pay, and the horrible ways…
October 23, 2018 Fighting Game Character With a Fucking Gun Considered Low Tier Fighting Game Character With a Fucking Gun Considered Low Tier AKRON, Ohio — Due to a recent Injustice 2 patch, famed Batman foil the Joker, who’s ranged attack pulls out a fucking 9mm pistol and…
September 4, 2018 New Tom Clancy Novel About a Friggin Gun That Became President New Tom Clancy Novel About a Friggin Gun That Became President BALTIMORE — Sources report that the newest novel in the Jack Ryan series originally created by Tom Clancy before his death is about a gun…
June 21, 2017 Guy Reloads by Shooting Kid Offscreen Guy Reloads by Shooting Kid Offscreen HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. — Brian Applegate has developed a ritual while playing House Of The Dead at his local arcade involving shooting the game’s gun at…
