June 24, 2021 Arby’s New Gamer Sandwich Uses N64 Cartridges as Buns Arby’s New Gamer Sandwich Uses N64 Cartridges as Buns ATLANTA — Popular fast food chain Arby’s has debuted a new “Gamer Sandwich” menu item consisting of a quarter pound of their signature roast beef…
June 23, 2021 Vampire Requests Invite to Open Xbox Live Party Vampire Requests Invite to Open Xbox Live Party FORKS, Wash. — Local vampiric gamer FaNg DaNKula was seen requesting an invite to an open Xbox Live Party in order to join it, as…
June 23, 2021 Broken PC Transforms Hardcore Gamer Into Just a Normal Run-of-the-Mill Bigot Broken PC Transforms Hardcore Gamer Into Just a Normal Run-of-the-Mill Bigot ANN ARBOR, Mich. — While saving up to repair his broken gaming PC, local man Josh Quell underwent a transformation from an elite gamer into…
April 27, 2021 Gamer Increases Odds of Tinder Match by Holding Down-B While Swiping Gamer Increases Odds of Tinder Match by Holding Down-B While Swiping ATHENS, Ohio — Single gamer Evan Hughes reportedly believes that holding down and B while swiping on Tinder increases his chances of getting an automatic…
April 22, 2021 Vaccinated Gamer Unlocks ‘Social Gathering’ Skill Tree Vaccinated Gamer Unlocks ‘Social Gathering’ Skill Tree NEW YORK — Local gamer Caroline Silva unlocked the ‘social gathering’ skill tree on her abilities menu exactly two weeks after receiving her second Moderna…
February 11, 2021 Mobile Gamer Discovers 16-Digit Cheat Code Mobile Gamer Discovers 16-Digit Cheat Code HARTFORD, Conn. — Local mobile gamer Jeremy Jackson has drastically improved his performance in gacha game Legend of the Bravest Heroes by discovering a very…
January 24, 2021 Beware: If We Make Minimum Wage $15 Then People Won’t Need Two Jobs, Meaning They’ll Have Leisure Time, Meaning There Will Be More Gamers Beware: If We Make Minimum Wage $15 Then People Won’t Need Two Jobs, Meaning They’ll Have Leisure Time, Meaning There Will Be More Gamers The national debate over minimum wage has raged on in the United States ever since President Biden made it an immediate priority for his administration.…
December 4, 2020 Man Who Eats, Sleeps, and Breathes Video Games Advised by Doctor to Stop Doing That Man Who Eats, Sleeps, and Breathes Video Games Advised by Doctor to Stop Doing That BOSTON — Urgently advising the at-risk man to change his dangerous lifestyle immediately, a doctor at Massachusetts General Hospital advised patient William Shelton to stop…
September 25, 2020 Nintendo Direct Leaves Gamer Excited About 14 Games He Won’t Buy When They Come Out Nintendo Direct Leaves Gamer Excited About 14 Games He Won’t Buy When They Come Out TUCSON, Ariz. — A recent installment of Nintendo’s Direct series of videos showcasing upcoming software coming to their platform has one gamer particularly elated about…
