January 29, 2022 Introduction of Alcoholic Mountain Dew Leaves Gamer Wondering What Has Been Getting Them Drunk This Whole Time Introduction of Alcoholic Mountain Dew Leaves Gamer Wondering What Has Been Getting Them Drunk This Whole Time MELBOURNE, Fla. — With the recent rollout of alcoholic Mountain Dew drinks, local gamer Jacob Wright has been left to wonder what has been getting…
January 28, 2022 Experts Predict That Weapon Drop Is Coming Any Minute Now Experts Predict That Weapon Drop Is Coming Any Minute Now THE SHRINKING ZONE OF SAFETY — A group of scientists has posited a theory that not only is our civilization in actuality a computer simulation…
January 28, 2022 New Pokémon Game Just Gonna Assume You Need an Hour or So of Text to Learn What a Pokémon Is New Pokémon Game Just Gonna Assume You Need an Hour or So of Text to Learn What a Pokémon Is TOKYO — Newly released Pokémon game Pokémon Legends: Arceus figures you need a good hour or two of soundless text to explain to you what…
January 28, 2022 Sony Suggests Putting Crash Bandicoot in the Middle and Letting Him Choose Which Company He Wants to Go To Sony Suggests Putting Crash Bandicoot in the Middle and Letting Him Choose Which Company He Wants to Go To SAN MATEO, Calif. — In response to Microsoft’s recent acquisition of Activision-Blizzard, Sony Interactive Entertainment CEO Jim Ryan suggested that beloved video game protagonist Crash…
January 22, 2022 Indie Game Takes Inspiration From EarthBound’s Lack of Financial Success Indie Game Takes Inspiration From EarthBound’s Lack of Financial Success TUCSON, Ariz. — Game developer Rodney Jones’ latest title, Infinite Dreamz Are Here 2 Stay, is to be inspired by cult-hit 1994 video game EarthBound,…
January 22, 2022 Wario64 Tweets Disturbing Link to Affordable Craigslist Hitman Wario64 Tweets Disturbing Link to Affordable Craigslist Hitman SAN FRANCISCO — Popular video game deal aggregator Twitter account Wario64 has linked to their most disturbing sale yet: a posting on craigslist for a…
January 22, 2022 D&D Group Not Close Enough Friends to Help DM Through Whatever’s Going on With Him Right Now D&D Group Not Close Enough Friends to Help DM Through Whatever’s Going on With Him Right Now TAMPA, Fla. — Despite meeting regularly for nearly three years, not one member of a local Dungeons and Dragons group considers their Dungeon Master, Cristian…
January 21, 2022 Despicable: This NYC Man, West Elm Caleb, Is Dating a New Girl Every Week Despicable: This NYC Man, West Elm Caleb, Is Dating a New Girl Every Week The women of the popular dancing children app TikTok have lit up this week, after realizing that nearly every one of them living in New…
January 21, 2022 Sparsely Attended ‘Rocky Horror’ Showing Even Sadder Than Usual Tonight Sparsely Attended ‘Rocky Horror’ Showing Even Sadder Than Usual Tonight GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Due to the passing of singer and actor Meat Loaf, this evening’s monthly showing of cult classic The Rocky Horror Picture…
