January 27, 2022 Wrinkly Kong Wishes They Would Just Call Her “Grandma” or Something Wrinkly Kong Wishes They Would Just Call Her “Grandma” or Something DONKEY KONG ISLAND — Kong Family matriarch Wrinkly Kong expressed her desire this week for her family to retire her physically-observant name and maybe just…
January 27, 2022 River City Police Finally Take Down High Profile Girlfriend Kidnapping Ring River City Police Finally Take Down High Profile Girlfriend Kidnapping Ring RIVER CITY — Local police believe they have finally thwarted the crime ring that has seen dozens of local high school girlfriends get kidnapped over…
January 26, 2022 HBO’s ‘Sad People Fuck’ Renewed for Second Season HBO’s ‘Sad People Fuck’ Renewed for Second Season NEW YORK — Last fall’s breakthrough hit Sad People Fuck has been renewed by HBO for a second season to premiere later this year, sources…
January 26, 2022 Random! This Video Game Company Happens to Be Completely Restructuring Right After Employees Started Unionizing Random! This Video Game Company Happens to Be Completely Restructuring Right After Employees Started Unionizing OK so this is so freaking random! Apparently video game developers SuperTech, creators of the massively popular Guns Out! franchise, is completely restructuring their company,…
January 25, 2022 Film-Buff Priest Absolves Shitty Director of CinemaSins Film-Buff Priest Absolves Shitty Director of CinemaSins NEW YORK — After his sermon this past Sunday, Catholic priest and notable film buff Father Murphy posted up in a confessional booth, absolving church-goers…
January 25, 2022 Link Refuses to Talk to Police About Robbery He Witnessed Link Refuses to Talk to Police About Robbery He Witnessed KAKARIKO VILLAGE — Local folk hero and adventurer Link has garnered the support of his community after refusing to speak with local police about a…
January 24, 2022 Tattoo Parlor Refuses to Do Swastikas, Iron Crosses, Triforces Tattoo Parlor Refuses to Do Swastikas, Iron Crosses, Triforces PARMA, Ohio — Tattoo parlor The Lazy Tiger has announced a controversial ban on several hate symbols and also the Triforce from The Legend of…
January 24, 2022 Zack Snyder to Make 4-Hour, 1.33:1 Aspect Ratio Version of Joss Whedon’s Vulture Interview Zack Snyder to Make 4-Hour, 1.33:1 Aspect Ratio Version of Joss Whedon’s Vulture Interview LOS ANGELES — Filmmaker Zack Snyder announced today that he is working on a 4-hour remake of Joss Whedon’s interview with Vulture in which he…
January 22, 2022 Podcast Fan Not Sure What to Listen to While Looking for Something to Listen To Podcast Fan Not Sure What to Listen to While Looking for Something to Listen To BROOKSVILLE, Fla. — Local audiophile Tanya Binns has been searching for a podcast to occupy her ears while she desperately looks for a podcast to…