January 3, 2022 Despondent Man Has Tried Everything to Get Friends to Try Shenmue Despondent Man Has Tried Everything to Get Friends to Try Shenmue TOLEDO, Ohio — Hopeless Shenmue fanatic Peter Hull has reportedly tried everything in his power to get his friends to play the acclaimed and unfinished…
January 1, 2022 Makers of Jumanji Settle $729 Billion Class Action Lawsuit Makers of Jumanji Settle $729 Billion Class Action Lawsuit BRANTFORD, N.H. — A spokesperson for the plaintiffs in the years-long class action suit against the makers of the classic board game Jumanji announced today…
January 1, 2022 Superheroes Unsure Where to Fight After City Cleans Up Scaffolding Superheroes Unsure Where to Fight After City Cleans Up Scaffolding NEW YORK — Superheroes and supervillains were left with nowhere to battle after New York City officials finally cleaned up all the scaffolding around buildings…
June 29, 2021 Conan Releases 15-Hour Clueless Gamer Episode Where He Beats Entire Demon Souls Remake Without Getting Hit in Total Silence Conan Releases 15-Hour Clueless Gamer Episode Where He Beats Entire Demon Souls Remake Without Getting Hit in Total Silence LOS ANGELES — In a string of videos released alongside the final of Conan on TBS, comedian and talk show host Conan O’Brien aired the…
June 28, 2021 Guy You Just Met Thinks You Would Really Love Only Game He Played This Year Guy You Just Met Thinks You Would Really Love Only Game He Played This Year GREENSBORO, N.C. — The guy talking to you at this house party thinks you’re the kind of person who would enjoy Disco Elysium, the only…
June 27, 2021 Guy Attempting to Break Guinness Record for Eating Baseballs Under False Impression That Is a Thing Guy Attempting to Break Guinness Record for Eating Baseballs Under False Impression That Is a Thing NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Local resident Denny Houser has attempted to enter the annals of history by achieving the world record for eating baseballs in 60…
June 27, 2021 Man Who’s Read 200 Books This Year Counts Graphic Novels Man Who’s Read 200 Books This Year Counts Graphic Novels NEW YORK — Steven Lloyd, a man who has allegedly read 200 books this year, includes graphic novels in his loose definition of what constitutes…
June 27, 2021 Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’ Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’ MIDDLETON, Wis. — Local dipshit and occasional tabletop gamer Christian Taylor has cancelled on his supposedly regular Dungeons and Dragons group yet again with the…
June 27, 2021 Opinion: You Could Never Make ‘Friends’ Today Because I Would Stop You Opinion: You Could Never Make ‘Friends’ Today Because I Would Stop You As culture progresses, it is no surprise that some media products fail to stand the test of time. Things that may have been acceptable to…
