January 12, 2021 Nation Sets Aside Differences to Agree on Timothy Olyphant Nation Sets Aside Differences to Agree on Timothy Olyphant WASHINGTON — A nation on the brink of collapse took a few moments today to universally agree that Timothy Olyphant is a charismatic actor. “Oh…
January 11, 2021 Sony Schedules PS5 Drop for Precise Moment Local Man Looks Away From Screen Sony Schedules PS5 Drop for Precise Moment Local Man Looks Away From Screen POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. — Aspiring PS5 owner John Blatzby has reportedly found some consistency in Sony’s seemingly random PS5 drops, claiming the company always schedules a…
January 10, 2021 No One at Mario’s High School Reunion Sure What He’s Talking About No One at Mario’s High School Reunion Sure What He’s Talking About GREAT NECK, N.Y. — Plumber, adventurer, and class of 1985 graduate Mario Mario reportedly confused the majority of his graduating class as he told old…
January 10, 2021 Opinion: We Must Redistribute the Banana Wealth in This Donkey Kong Country Opinion: We Must Redistribute the Banana Wealth in This Donkey Kong Country Fellow citizens, let me ask you a question: how many bananas do you have in your possession right now? Do you feel that you have…
January 9, 2021 Review: Hades, a Game About an Inescapable Hell, Is the World’s Greatest Life Sim Review: Hades, a Game About an Inescapable Hell, Is the World’s Greatest Life Sim Edited and narrated by Peter Kemme.
January 9, 2021 Inconsiderate Friend Doesn’t Spoiler Tag That Princess Peach Isn’t Actually in Castle Inconsiderate Friend Doesn’t Spoiler Tag That Princess Peach Isn’t Actually in Castle SPOKANE, Wash. — Discord user Michael McNeil drew the ire of a Mario fan server after failing to use spoiler tags when revealing that Princess…
January 8, 2021 Kumail Nanjiani Accidentally Crushes Fifth PS5 Controller This Week Kumail Nanjiani Accidentally Crushes Fifth PS5 Controller This Week LOS ANGELES — Kumail Nanjiani has accidentally shattered a DualSense controller into a thousand pieces for the fifth time this week, this time while trying…
January 8, 2021 Kart Racer Just Wanted to See If It Would Let Him Go Over There Kart Racer Just Wanted to See If It Would Let Him Go Over There ROYAL RACEWAY — A kart driver at the Royal Raceway Grand Prix was accused of trespassing on the grounds of Princess Peach’s Castle this morning,…
January 7, 2021 Facebook-Banned Trump Livid He Can’t Log Into Oculus Facebook-Banned Trump Livid He Can’t Log Into Oculus WASHINGTON — Only a few hours after being banned on Facebook, President Donald Trump erupted in anger when he realized that he was no longer…
