September 6, 2021 Sorry Gamers, We Have Delayed Our Fall 2021 Preview Until Next Year Sorry Gamers, We Have Delayed Our Fall 2021 Preview Until Next Year Hey gamers, I don’t wanna bullshit you here. Every single video game website, whether it’s a real one like IGN, Polygon, or PCGamer, or a…
September 3, 2021 NHL 22 Will Be First in Series to Actually Have Little Guys Skate Around in Your TV NHL 22 Will Be First in Series to Actually Have Little Guys Skate Around in Your TV REDWOOD CITY, Calif. — EA has confirmed rumors that have been circulating about this year’s installment of their annual NHL hockey title, namely that this…
September 2, 2021 Luigi Decides He Doesn’t Want to Wear Matching Clothes With Mario Anymore Luigi Decides He Doesn’t Want to Wear Matching Clothes With Mario Anymore MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Following 38 years of pretty much just aping whatever his older brother wears, famed video game sidekick Luigi Mario has announced that…
September 1, 2021 ‘Boogerman’ World Record Holder Prays Coworkers Don’t Discover His Crowning Achievement ‘Boogerman’ World Record Holder Prays Coworkers Don’t Discover His Crowning Achievement DECATUR, Ga. — A recently hired copy editor has grown terrified that his new coworkers will discover that he’s the lone record holder of 1995’s…
September 1, 2021 Spirit Halloween Managers Awake From Hibernation Spirit Halloween Managers Awake From Hibernation BELLINGHAM, Wash. — Thousands of Spirit Halloween store managers have awakened from their annual 10-month slumber and have begun migrating back to their respective stores,…
August 31, 2021 Cop Offended by Punctual Portrayal in GTA Games Cop Offended by Punctual Portrayal in GTA Games LOS ANGELES — Local police officer Connor Todd recently sampled the immensely popular Grand Theft Auto 5 and was very disturbed at the depiction of…
August 30, 2021 Expert Speedrunner Comes Out of Mario 64 Playthrough a Little Bit Younger Expert Speedrunner Comes Out of Mario 64 Playthrough a Little Bit Younger CHICAGO — Simon Weaver, an expert in the enduringly popular Mario 64 speedrunning scene, has turned a corner that many are saying will resonate through…
August 26, 2021 Estate of MLK Says No Way He Would Floss Like That Estate of MLK Says No Way He Would Floss Like That NEW YORK — The surviving next of kin of civil rights advocate Martin Luther King, Jr. have complained about the new historical mode in Fortnite,…
August 26, 2021 Casual Game of ‘Clue’ Alerts Child to Amount of Murder Weapons in Home Casual Game of ‘Clue’ Alerts Child to Amount of Murder Weapons in Home CHESAPEAKE, Va. — Worried family members have confirmed that an ordinary round of the classic board game Clue alerted local child Dylan Cresswell as to…
