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Luigi Decides He Doesn’t Want to Wear Matching Clothes With Mario Anymore


MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Following 38 years of pretty much just aping whatever his older brother wears, famed video game sidekick Luigi Mario has announced that he will start choosing his own wardrobe. 

“I’m-a sick of dressing like a couple of little boys,” said the star of the Luigi’s Mansion franchise. “Maybe I want to put on a nice a-flannel or skinny jeans once in a while or something. My a-brother, he gets to play referee and doctor and all kinds of other costumes, it’s-a my turn.” 

The move is an abrupt shift from his previous style of thoughtlessly shadowing whatever garment his older brother would wear, a style he preferred for decades. 

“We never really wanted to commit so hard to Luigi being a little mindless piece of shit,’ said someone from Nintendo. “But every time we talked about putting him in something else, the real Luigi would come down to my office, sobbing, saying ‘I want to dress-a like my brother!’ so we’d always just cave in and give him the same clothes as Mario. Sounds like maybe he’s finally outgrown it. Thank god.” 

Luigi’s first appearance with full wardrobe independence was recently confirmed to be in the upcoming Mario + Rabbids Sparks of Hope.

“We worked really hard with Luigi, trying to figure out what he wanted to wear now that he’s his own man,” said Kayla Hoover, an animator that’s been doing motion capture work for the game. “It was, uh, well, he’s got a ways to go. He kept insisting on cargo shorts and Affliction shirts? I don’t think that’s a style that exists in the world. Also he cried one day when he tried to operate a button up shirt on his own. He wouldn’t let anyone help him. This is gonna be a long project, I can just tell.” 

As of press time, Luigi had been spotted at Target grabbing a bunch of graphic tees.