January 14, 2022 Opinion: I Feel Safer Knowing Kirby Owns a Gun Opinion: I Feel Safer Knowing Kirby Owns a Gun This week, Nintendo released new footage of Kirby: The Forgotten Land featuring the titular pink puffball character displaying a new copy ability: the right to…
December 23, 2021 ‘The Matrix Resurrections’ Introduces Third Pill That Turns on Big Head Mode ‘The Matrix Resurrections’ Introduces Third Pill That Turns on Big Head Mode LOS ANGELES — Audiences are split after the release of The Matrix Resurrections, which furthers the Matrix franchise with the addition of a new, green…
December 19, 2021 J. Jonah Jameson Blames Omicron Outbreak on Spider-Man’s Movie Showings J. Jonah Jameson Blames Omicron Outbreak on Spider-Man’s Movie Showings NEW YORK — The Daily Bugle Editor-in-Chief J. Jonah Jameson declared that Spider-Man, and his new film Spider-Man: No Way Home are the biggest cause…
September 14, 2021 Lil Nas X Disappointed Met Gala Didn’t Do Enough Damage to Reveal His Final Phase Outfit Lil Nas X Disappointed Met Gala Didn’t Do Enough Damage to Reveal His Final Phase Outfit NEW YORK — Rapper Lil Nas X is reportedly disappointed that the Met Gala was unable to defeat his third phase Monday night, allowing him…
May 19, 2021 Divorced, Disheveled Bill Gates Announces Everyone Is Getting a Free Xbox Divorced, Disheveled Bill Gates Announces Everyone Is Getting a Free Xbox MEDINA, Wash. — Desperately attempting to sway public opinion back into his favor after his divorce, billionaire Bill Gates announced today that he would be…
March 4, 2021 Man Who Spent 270 Hours Playing Xenoblade Series Relieved it Meant Something Man Who Spent 270 Hours Playing Xenoblade Series Relieved it Meant Something WANTAGH, N.Y. — Local gamer Lawrence Olson has reportedly breathed a sigh of relief following the announcement that the next Super Smash Bros. Ultimate DLC…
February 17, 2021 Fans Rage After Learning Post Malone’s Pokémon Concert Won’t Contain All His Songs Fans Rage After Learning Post Malone’s Pokémon Concert Won’t Contain All His Songs REDMOND, Wash. — The Pokémon Company has stirred controversy after revealing the upcoming concert celebrating the franchise’s 25th Anniversary will not contain every song Post…
January 25, 2021 CDC Urges Americans to Acquire New Skills and Outfits for When Time Skip Ends CDC Urges Americans to Acquire New Skills and Outfits for When Time Skip Ends ATLANTA — In an attempt to help Americans better understand and adjust to the COVID-19 pandemic, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention released a…
January 20, 2021 Trump Grants Jeffrey Epstein Posthumous Pardon Trump Grants Jeffrey Epstein Posthumous Pardon WASHINGTON — Making full use of his last full day in office, President Donald Trump announced a posthumous pardon of his former friend and “total…
