January 15, 2022 Newly-Elected Mayor Pledges to Build Roads, Expand Industrial District, Summon Deadly Tornado Newly-Elected Mayor Pledges to Build Roads, Expand Industrial District, Summon Deadly Tornado OW MY ASSVILLE — The mysterious new mayor, who no one remembers electing, has laid out a bold plan for 2022 which involves investing in…
January 11, 2022 Man Binging New Podcast Reaches the One After Trump Got Elected Man Binging New Podcast Reaches the One After Trump Got Elected NEW YORK — A man binge-listening to the backlog of his new favorite podcast has finally gotten to the one right after Trump got elected,…
November 9, 2021 Reviewer Who Rated Game 10/10 Wasn’t Paid by Developer or at All Reviewer Who Rated Game 10/10 Wasn’t Paid by Developer or at All LOS ANGELES — Despite online rumors to the contrary, budding game critic Tamara Bakker maintained she was not paid for a perfect score she recently…
November 2, 2021 Opinion: Video Games Are Not Art. They Are Better Opinion: Video Games Are Not Art. They Are Better Seems like each year the online talking heads and so-called professional critics mark off time in their calendar for a big dumb argument about whether…
October 23, 2021 Proud Man Once Afraid of Dying a Virgin Now Just Afraid of Dying Proud Man Once Afraid of Dying a Virgin Now Just Afraid of Dying JERSEY CITY, N.J. — Local gamer Mike Plant, who once feared dying a virgin, now only fears death following a momentous event in his life,…
October 5, 2021 Police Edition of Duck Hunt Only Lets You Shoot Dog Police Edition of Duck Hunt Only Lets You Shoot Dog LOS ANGELES — An unexpected reboot of the classic light gun shooter Duck Hunt was announced today that casts the player as a police officer…
September 16, 2021 Gamers Beware: Perverts are Trying to Make the Word ‘Load’ a Sex Thing Gamers Beware: Perverts are Trying to Make the Word ‘Load’ a Sex Thing Awful news, Gamers. If you are at work please stop reading immediately because this article may be considered NOT SAFE. Are you home and over…
August 17, 2021 Lockheed Martin Assures Pentagon “Robot Boy” Project Will Meet 20XX Deadline Lockheed Martin Assures Pentagon “Robot Boy” Project Will Meet 20XX Deadline BETHESDA, Md. — In what many are calling the Pentagon’s latest boondoggle, mainstay military contractor Lockheed Martin has already missed major milestone deadlines in its…
August 17, 2021 SEGA Confirms Real Hedgehog Couldn’t Actually Run That Fast SEGA Confirms Real Hedgehog Couldn’t Actually Run That Fast TOKYO — In a stunning press conference this morning, SEGA has finally validated the long-held fan theory that Sonic the Hedgehog’s abilities do not reflect…
