Dan Kozuh

These Pen Pals Have Been Playing Mortal Kombat Turn-by-Turn via Mail Since 1993

NAPERVILLE, Ill. — Long-distance friends Milton Schmidt and Clayton Houston have been playing the same match of the video game…

3 years ago

Genius Janitor at Marvel Solves Formula for Next Movie

BURBANK, Calif. — Mild-mannered janitor Carl Perry has done what some believe to be impossible, by solving the formula for…

3 years ago

Professor X Unsure What to Do With Mutant Whose Only Power Is Knowing When Bob Seger Song Is Playing on Any Classic Rock Radio Station in America

NORTH SALEM, N.Y. — Professor Charles Xavier, headmaster at Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, is reportedly at a loss…

4 years ago

Deluxe Edition of Board Game Includes Four Friends Willing to Play and Not Bitch the Whole Time

LOS ALTOS, Calif. — Astral Plane Games, publisher of the popular worker placement board game Solis Occasum, has released a…

4 years ago

Facebook-Banned Trump Livid He Can’t Log Into Oculus

WASHINGTON — Only a few hours after being banned on Facebook, President Donald Trump erupted in anger when he realized…

4 years ago

Police Search for Body of Dad Who Put Socks in Empty PS5 Box as Gag Christmas Present

WHEATON, Ill. — Local and state authorities are in a desperate search for a local father who jokingly put socks…

4 years ago

Ryan Reynolds Swears He Has No Memory of Holding Up Novelty T-Shirt in Facebook Ad

LOS ANGELES — Actor Ryan Renolds was reportedly worried about his mental health when he came across a photo of…

4 years ago

Kids With Two Living Parents Demand Representation in Disney Films

BURBANK, Cali. — A protest was held outside Disney headquarters earlier this week by the organization Kids of Two Loving…

4 years ago

Report: Shields May Be as Low as 30%

THE GHOST NEBULA — While battling the warrior race, The Zardecks, experts on the Spaceship Baychimo, warn that the ship’s…

4 years ago