Tabletop Games

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1 year ago

Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’

MIDDLETON, Wis. — Local dipshit and occasional tabletop gamer Christian Taylor has cancelled on his supposedly regular Dungeons and Dragons…

3 years ago

Millennial’s Retirement Portfolio Still Has Few Empty Sleeves

EVANSTON, Ill. — 28-year-old bartender Grace Federman reportedly discovered several empty sleeves in her retirement portfolio after going through the…

3 years ago

Bishop Zips Across Chessboard Outta Fuckin Nowhere

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — In a major blow that took place just seconds into one of his first casual games,…

3 years ago

D&D Player Fails Stealth Check for Fart at Table

WEATHERFORD, Okla. — A local tabletop roleplaying group is in disarray after player Joel Robinson failed the stealth check necessary…

3 years ago

Former Cards Against Humanity Writer Keeps Pitching ‘Cum Goblin’ to Wizards of the Coast

RENTON, Wash. — Former Cards Against Humanity writer Marc Weaver has reportedly frustrated his new coworkers at Magic: the Gathering…

3 years ago

Dungeons & Dragons Film Stalled After Chris Pine Chooses Charisma as Dump Stat

LOS ANGELES — Paramount’s troubled Dungeons & Dragons adaptation hit yet another roadblock today after lead Chris Pine chose Charisma…

3 years ago

Deluxe Edition of Board Game Includes Four Friends Willing to Play and Not Bitch the Whole Time

LOS ALTOS, Calif. — Astral Plane Games, publisher of the popular worker placement board game Solis Occasum, has released a…

3 years ago

Single D&D Session Gives New Player Confidence to Buy $50 Worth of Accessories

ATLANTA — New Dungeons and Dragons enthusiast Clarissa Elliotte reportedly bought $50 worth of accessories after playing her first session…

3 years ago