April 10, 2021 Couple Tearfully Agrees It’s Time to Main Other People Couple Tearfully Agrees It’s Time to Main Other People ROCKVILLE CENTRE, N.Y. — After several years of mastering each others’ subtle quirks, local couple Arjun Irukulapati and Ellen Cervantes have regretfully decided the time…
March 12, 2021 Pandemic to Auto-Renew on March 12th Pandemic to Auto-Renew on March 12th EARTH — The entire world was devastated to learn Friday that, because of a general oversight on humanity’s part, the COVID-19 pandemic is going to…
October 28, 2020 Boyfriend Takes -7 Environmental Damage Per Second on Mission to Grocery Store Boyfriend Takes -7 Environmental Damage Per Second on Mission to Grocery Store OXFORD, Ohio — In a journey that exposed one of his most glaring character vulnerabilities, local boyfriend Zach McInnes suffered -7 environmental damage per second…
October 3, 2020 Realm’s Chosen Savior Agonizing at Lair Entrance Whether to Drop Broadsword or Scimitar Realm’s Chosen Savior Agonizing at Lair Entrance Whether to Drop Broadsword or Scimitar HYMERA — At the end of a harrowing journey to rescue his land from certain devastation, steadfast warrior Demetrios Cherwink was spotted outside the entrance…
September 14, 2020 Gamer Can’t Help But Hear ‘Continue?’ Every Day When Waking Up Gamer Can’t Help But Hear ‘Continue?’ Every Day When Waking Up ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local gamer Stephen McLaughlin can’t help but hear the voice of the Super Smash Bros. Melee announcer saying “Continue?” every single time…
September 6, 2020 Shitty Mobile Game Ad More Fun Than Shitty Mobile Game It Interrupted Shitty Mobile Game Ad More Fun Than Shitty Mobile Game It Interrupted WARRENTON, Mo. — In a revelation that made him question his instincts, local gamer Kevin Lanigan recently realized that the shitty mobile game ad he…
July 27, 2020 Ad Making Offensive Insinuation About What You Want to Do in This Game Ad Making Offensive Insinuation About What You Want to Do in This Game ATLANTA — According to several users of file downloading services and illegal streaming sites, an advertisement featuring a buxom CGI woman with the caption “You’re…
July 25, 2020 RPG Quests Distract Player From Hours of Riveting Menu Gameplay RPG Quests Distract Player From Hours of Riveting Menu Gameplay WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — After sinking a solid weekend into the RPG Manifest Beyond, local gamer Mallory Cruz began to realize that the game’s elaborate…
July 12, 2020 Triangle Button Just Happy to Be Included Triangle Button Just Happy to Be Included PS4 CONTROLLER — Though it is used sparingly in many gameplay situations, local PS4 button Triangle insisted that it is happy just to be included…
