October 9, 2021 Barcade Bartender Decides Man Needs to Be Cut Off From DDR Machine Barcade Bartender Decides Man Needs to Be Cut Off From DDR Machine BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local Barcade bartender Michael Atticus was forced to eject a patron for disorderly conduct after deeming he needed to be cut off…
October 9, 2021 True Simpsons Fan Doesn’t Think Any of It Is Good True Simpsons Fan Doesn’t Think Any of It Is Good MOBERLY, Mo. — Self-proclaimed “Simpsons Superfan” Walter Groznic took to internet forums with an explosive tirade, finally narrowing down which episodes and seasons of the…
October 5, 2021 Man Who Lied About Watching Squid Game Forced to Participate in Deadly, High-Stakes Workplace Conversation Man Who Lied About Watching Squid Game Forced to Participate in Deadly, High-Stakes Workplace Conversation TULSA, Okla. — Local man Brandon Cary, who in a moment of panic lied about having seen the acclaimed Korean drama ‘Squid Game,’ suddenly found himself…
September 18, 2021 Voter Participation Skyrockets After Adding “Goku or Superman” to Ballot Voter Participation Skyrockets After Adding “Goku or Superman” to Ballot PHILADELPHIA — Local voter registration surged this week directly before the local mayoral election after a city ordinance came into effect that added to the…
September 15, 2021 Porn Video Weirdly Features Wilhelm Scream Porn Video Weirdly Features Wilhelm Scream WASHINGTON — Local porn viewer Caleb Fuller was surprised this week when an seemingly innocuous Redtube clip featured the infamous Wilhelm scream in the background. …
September 3, 2021 BREAKING: Hill Controlled. BREAKING: Hill Contested. BREAKING: Hill Controlled. BREAKING: Hill Contested. BREAKING: Hill Controlled BREAKING: Hill Controlled. BREAKING: Hill Contested. BREAKING: Hill Controlled. BREAKING: Hill Contested. BREAKING: Hill Controlled FORGE WORLD — BREAKING NEWS for all available Spartan soldiers: UNSC forces have vanquished the enemy and emerged victorious, gaining control over the hill and…
August 26, 2021 Cosplayer Starting to Worry That Nobody at This Applebee’s Has Seen ‘Attack on Titan’ Cosplayer Starting to Worry That Nobody at This Applebee’s Has Seen ‘Attack on Titan’ SPRINGFIELD, Ill. — Local cosplayer Dennis Harrison experienced a crisis in a local Applebee’s on Wednesday, as he slowly came to the resignation that nobody…
August 21, 2021 Streamers Invade SWAT Guy’s House to See How He Likes It Streamers Invade SWAT Guy’s House to See How He Likes It COLUMBIA, Mo. — SWAT Commander Walker Porter reported an unexpected disturbance in his home when an alleged seven Twitch streamers breached his apartment at approximately…
August 13, 2021 Review: I Didn’t Want to Spend $15 So Here’s Five Things WRONG with the ‘Free Guy’ Poster in the Lobby Review: I Didn’t Want to Spend $15 So Here’s Five Things WRONG with the ‘Free Guy’ Poster in the Lobby The movies are finally back. We’ve all longed for the day when cinema would return, and it feels so great to go to theaters again.…
