January 29, 2022 Introduction of Alcoholic Mountain Dew Leaves Gamer Wondering What Has Been Getting Them Drunk This Whole Time Introduction of Alcoholic Mountain Dew Leaves Gamer Wondering What Has Been Getting Them Drunk This Whole Time MELBOURNE, Fla. — With the recent rollout of alcoholic Mountain Dew drinks, local gamer Jacob Wright has been left to wonder what has been getting…
January 21, 2022 Sparsely Attended ‘Rocky Horror’ Showing Even Sadder Than Usual Tonight Sparsely Attended ‘Rocky Horror’ Showing Even Sadder Than Usual Tonight GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Due to the passing of singer and actor Meat Loaf, this evening’s monthly showing of cult classic The Rocky Horror Picture…
January 20, 2022 Meme Group Has More Subplots Than TV Show It’s Dedicated To Meme Group Has More Subplots Than TV Show It’s Dedicated To SARASOTA, Fla. — A Facebook meme group about the children’s show Electro-Friends has a more complex web of conflict than the show itself, several members…
January 13, 2022 DLC Unlocks Expansive New Region of Chores DLC Unlocks Expansive New Region of Chores MONTREAL — Reviews have been favorable for the paid expansions to Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, with gamers praising the vast, colorful new landscapes, dense with chores.…
January 11, 2022 Gamer Who Just Bought ‘Pokémon Shining Pearl’ Suddenly Really Concerned About Going Outside During Omicron Gamer Who Just Bought ‘Pokémon Shining Pearl’ Suddenly Really Concerned About Going Outside During Omicron CHARLOTTE, N.C. — In the weeks since buying Pokémon Shining Pearl for the Nintendo Switch, local gamer Calvin Palmer has expressed increasing concern about leaving…
December 31, 2021 Gamer Refers to Permanent Indent in Couch as ‘Gaming Nook’ Gamer Refers to Permanent Indent in Couch as ‘Gaming Nook’ PENSACOLA, Fla. — Local gamer Floyd Hooper has begun using the phrase “gaming nook” to describe the deep valley in his couch where he sits…
December 29, 2021 Beloved Sportscaster John Madden Dead at NFL 22 Beloved Sportscaster John Madden Dead at NFL 22 REDWOOD CITY, Calif. — According to longtime business partner EA Sports, beloved sports broadcaster John Madden has passed away at the age of NFL 22.…
December 19, 2021 X-Ray Reveals Vestigial Third Handle Inside Nintendo Switch Pro Controller X-Ray Reveals Vestigial Third Handle Inside Nintendo Switch Pro Controller BALTIMORE — Johns Hopkins University completed the first successful x-ray of a Nintendo Switch Pro controller, revealing evidence that the controller’s ancestors once had a…
December 15, 2021 Gamers Organize Massive Anti-Gamer Rally to Stop Gamers Gamers Organize Massive Anti-Gamer Rally to Stop Gamers WASHINGTON — Gamers from around the world gathered at the U.S. Capitol yesterday to demand action against gamers and everything they stand for. “Gamers have…
