March 3, 2021 Man Receives Emails From Taco Bell Man Receives Emails From Taco Bell OLMSTED FALLS, Ohio — Local man Eric Anderle has reportedly received hundreds of promotional emails from Mexican-inspired fast food chain Taco Bell over the course…
February 23, 2021 NASA Sends Probe to Jupiter to Get More Stupider NASA Sends Probe to Jupiter to Get More Stupider WASHINGTON — Following the successful landing of the rover Perseverance onto the surface of Mars, NASA has launched a probe called Insistence that will land…
February 21, 2021 Vlogger Parents Looking Forward to Streaming Child Unboxing Vlogger Parents Looking Forward to Streaming Child Unboxing LOS ANGELES — Kayleigh Jones, 23, better known by her YouTube alias M0therKnowsBest, has publicly announced her decision to livestream the unboxing of her first…
February 20, 2021 Sony Advises Gamers Against Cracking Apart PS5 Like Delicious Pistachio Sony Advises Gamers Against Cracking Apart PS5 Like Delicious Pistachio TOKYO — In an effort to prevent damage to their products, the game publisher and console manufacturer Sony urged customers not to pull apart the…
February 19, 2021 Mars Rover Immediately Fills All Inventory Slots With Ferrite Dust Mars Rover Immediately Fills All Inventory Slots With Ferrite Dust PASADENA, Calif. — Mars rover Perseverance has already been filled to the brim with ferrite dust, engineers announced this morning. “We kinda just aimed the…
February 18, 2021 Initial Probe of Mars Surface Reveals no New Information on Metroid Prime 4 Initial Probe of Mars Surface Reveals no New Information on Metroid Prime 4 WASHINGTON — NASA’s Perseverance rover has landed on Mars and reportedly discovered no new information about Nintendo’s upcoming video game, Metroid Prime 4. “Oh man,…
February 18, 2021 Guy Who Summarizes Pay-Walled Articles in the Comments Nominated for Pulitzer Prize Guy Who Summarizes Pay-Walled Articles in the Comments Nominated for Pulitzer Prize NEW YORK — The Pulitzer Prize Board announced nominations for the 2020 Pulitzer Prize in Public Service, including a surprise nomination for Reddit user johnnyjon66,…
February 16, 2021 VR Enthusiast Wishes the Real World Were More Up Close, a Little Blurry VR Enthusiast Wishes the Real World Were More Up Close, a Little Blurry DURHAM, N.C. — Virtual reality gamer Austin Yelts reportedly lost interest in his life after buying an Oculus headset, complaining that the real world was…
February 4, 2021 Sony Accidentally Vaporizes Demonstrator in Showcase of PS5’s Technical Power Sony Accidentally Vaporizes Demonstrator in Showcase of PS5’s Technical Power NEW YORK — CEO of Sony Interactive Entertainment Jim Ryan accidentally vaporized intern Kris Smythe in a livestream demonstration of the PlayStation 5 this morning,…
