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Sony Advises Gamers Against Cracking Apart PS5 Like Delicious Pistachio


TOKYO — In an effort to prevent damage to their products, the game publisher and console manufacturer Sony urged customers not to pull apart the new PlayStation 5 as if it were a delicious pistachio in an urgent video posted to their social media channels this morning. 

“Please understand that it may have indeed been a design flaw to make the outer shell of the new PlayStation 5 appear similar to a pistachio,” said Sony mechanical engineer Akira Oda, noting that the console is unfortunately completely inedible despite its appetizing nut-like appearance. “But alas, you will not find the delicious, salted center of a pistachio nut within. Instead you’ll only discover our Ultra-HD Blu-Ray drive unit, as well as a double-sided air intake fan, and the fact that your warranty has been voided.” 

The video specifies that, should players have a need to get into the casing of their PS5 for maintenance, the proper way to do so is by lifting the panel from the back corner of the console, a technique which Oda also clarifies would be ineffective at opening an actual pistachio.

“We at Sony know that enjoying games is hungry work, so we recommend that instead of trying to pry open and consume your new PS5, that you prepare to have a preferred snack on hand during play,” continues Oda in the video. ”We recommend something rich in protein as well as unsaturated fats, such as the humble pistachio itself – as long as you can tell the difference, of course.”

Throughout the remainder of the video, Oda can be seen putting on a pair of white latex gloves before narrating a thorough hands-on teardown of dozens of pistachios while eating them one by one.

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