April 5, 2021 RUMOR: Applebee’s Set to Unveil New Presto Pro Tableside Tablet With Nvidia DLSS and Raytracing RUMOR: Applebee’s Set to Unveil New Presto Pro Tableside Tablet With Nvidia DLSS and Raytracing GLENDALE Calif. — According to a massive leak from within Applebee’s, the company is preparing to roll out a new “Pro” model of their popular…
March 28, 2021 Elon Musk Admits He Wants to Travel to Mars Because No One Hates Him There Yet Elon Musk Admits He Wants to Travel to Mars Because No One Hates Him There Yet AUSTIN, Texas — Wiping tears from his eyes at a recent press conference, SpaceX CEO Elon Musk revealed that the reason he’s so keen on…
March 26, 2021 Man’s Cell Phone Disagrees That Alexa Is Listening to Him Man’s Cell Phone Disagrees That Alexa Is Listening to Him VALLEY STREAM, N.Y. — A local man’s iPhone disagrees with its owner that his Amazon Alexa is listening to him in his home, sending information…
March 26, 2021 Gamer Captures Bigfoot at Atrocious 1080p Resolution Gamer Captures Bigfoot at Atrocious 1080p Resolution LONGVIEW, Wash. — Gamer cryptologist Emma Donovan claimed she saw Bigfoot in the woods this morning, but was only able to get footage at an…
March 16, 2021 FCC Recommends Downloading Three Large Files a Day to Keep Internet Connection Healthy and Regular FCC Recommends Downloading Three Large Files a Day to Keep Internet Connection Healthy and Regular WASHINGTON — In an effort to bolster the strength of the nation’s internet infrastructure, Acting FCC Chairwoman Jessica Rosenworcel issued a statement Monday advising all…
March 13, 2021 Twitter Celebrates 15 Years of Jack Dorsey Going Through It Twitter Celebrates 15 Years of Jack Dorsey Going Through It SAN FRANCISCO — Twitter reached an important milestone this month, celebrating the 15 consecutive years that founder Jack Dorsey has really been going through some…
March 12, 2021 Pandemic to Auto-Renew on March 12th Pandemic to Auto-Renew on March 12th EARTH — The entire world was devastated to learn Friday that, because of a general oversight on humanity’s part, the COVID-19 pandemic is going to…
March 11, 2021 Twitch Updates Harassment Policy to Foster Creation of New, More Inventive Slurs Twitch Updates Harassment Policy to Foster Creation of New, More Inventive Slurs SAN FRANCISCO — Following a string of community controversies, the popular gaming website Twitch unveiled a new harassment policy aimed at cultivating the development of…
March 10, 2021 Dorian Gray Sells One-of-a-Kind Portrait as NFT Dorian Gray Sells One-of-a-Kind Portrait as NFT LONDON — Handsome young socialite Dorian Gray announced today that he’ll be distributing the digital rights to a one-of-a-kind portrait of himself as a non-fungible…
