March 16, 2019 Tinder Releases Official Tier List Tinder Releases Official Tier List LOS ANGELES — Tinder shocked the dating community with an official tier list released today, which places the application’s estimated 50 million users into a…
March 15, 2019 Facebook Tells Shooter He Could Reach More People If He Boosts Post For $50 Facebook Tells Shooter He Could Reach More People If He Boosts Post For $50 SAN FRANCISCO — The Facebook algorithm informed a terrorist yesterday that his video of a horrific mass shooting that murdered forty-nine Muslims in New Zealand…
March 14, 2019 NVIDIA 960 Graphics Card Spotted Delivering For Postmates After Bitcoin Crash NVIDIA 960 Graphics Card Spotted Delivering For Postmates After Bitcoin Crash ST. CLAIR, Pa. — Eyewitness reports allege that a local NVIDIA 960 model graphics card has been seen delivering food to suburban homes this week…
March 9, 2019 Patch Notes Clearly Contain Cry For Help From Overworked Programmer Patch Notes Clearly Contain Cry For Help From Overworked Programmer TWYCROSS, U.K. — The latest patch notes for Sea of Thieves are available this week, featuring details about weapon rebalancing, stability improvements, and the ongoing…
February 15, 2019 Nation’s Parents Confirm Top New Streamer Named ‘Fungo’ or Something Along Those Lines Nation’s Parents Confirm Top New Streamer Named ‘Fungo’ or Something Along Those Lines COLUMBIA, S.C. — An advocacy group of American parents announced this morning that the top new personality on the Twitch video game streaming platform was…
February 14, 2019 Installing Linux and 10 Other Sexy Ideas to Set the Mood This Valentine’s Day Installing Linux and 10 Other Sexy Ideas to Set the Mood This Valentine’s Day It’s Valentine’s Day and whether you’re a few dates in or just celebrating your golden anniversary, romancing your partner is a must. Here at WIRED…
February 13, 2019 Switch Owner With No Other Technology Desperately Hoping Nintendo Announces Netflix Support Switch Owner With No Other Technology Desperately Hoping Nintendo Announces Netflix Support KENOSHA, Wisc. — Nintendo Switch owner Kyle Goulet said today that he is desperately hoping Nintendo will announce Netflix support for the console during its…
February 9, 2019 Hey, Wanna See Some Nazi Shit? Hey, Wanna See Some Nazi Shit? Oh, you want to watch a Doctor Who trailer? Your Google history tells us you enjoy opinions on Doctor Who. Yeah yeah just keep auto-play…
February 7, 2019 Dead Aunt Still Sends Candy Crush Requests Dead Aunt Still Sends Candy Crush Requests ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Despite having passed away months ago, local woman Allie Larkin’s aunt Sandra Kelly is reportedly still sending Larkin regular requests to…
