zelda

Nintendo Gearing up for Holiday Season by Destroying Any Remaining Stock

KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo is preparing for the upcoming holiday season by making sure every remaining game and console are destroyed,…

7 years ago

Protesters Remove Statue, Activating Secret Doorway Puzzle

MONTGOMERY, Ala. — A growing wave of unrest erupted into violence, and then confusion, as protesters removed a confederate statue…

7 years ago

Inspiring: This Mentally Impaired Blacksmith Continues to Hold Down His Job Despite Repeating Himself Every Five Seconds

Staring blankly into the corner of his open-air bazaar-style smithing shack, a man known only as “Smitty” to travelers and…

7 years ago

College Student’s Fast Travel Ability Unlocked by Bottle of Tequila

GAINESVILLE, Fla. — UF sophomore Michelle Stevens claims to have fast traveled to her dorm room after downing a bottle…

7 years ago

Main Character Reassures Final Boss Those Side Quests Meant Nothing to Him

WIDOWBRIAR — Video game protagonist Danaes has reportedly assured final boss the Hollowsplicer, Scourge of Xissan, that the many side quests…

7 years ago

Video Game Story Writer Considers Water Level His Ulysses

LANSING, Mich. — Veteran gaming story writer Scott McCormick is reportedly exceptionally pleased with his latest work, the backstory of…

7 years ago

Climate Scientists Warn That All Super Mario Levels Will Be Underwater by 2025

PARIS — Top climate scientists released a new peer-reviewed research paper today, which warns that all Super Mario stages will…

7 years ago

NES Classic Edition Lets You Play for One Hour, Then It’s Your Little Brother’s Turn

REDMOND, Wash. -- Nintendo’s NES Classic drew sharp reactions from critics and fans alike this week with the announcement of…

8 years ago