star wars

J.J. Abrams Won’t Stop Telling Sandwich Guy at Bodega to ‘Surprise Him’

BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Staff at a local bodega have become increasingly frustrated with Star Wars director J.J. Abrams, who won’t…

5 years ago

Bob Iger Steps Down to Make Room for New Disney CEO Baby Iger

BURBANK, Calif. — Disney CEO Bob Iger made a surprise announcement this afternoon that he would be stepping down from…

5 years ago

Star Wars Porn Parody Changes Luke and Leia to Just Step Siblings

MONTREAL — Representatives from Brazzers have confirmed that their highly anticipated nine-part pornographic Star Wars parody series will modify the…

5 years ago

R2-D2 Suddenly Remembers Bunch of Cool Shit It Can Do

LOTHAL — Just as he and his friends were almost certainly doomed while trying to escape a secret base of…

5 years ago

I Didn’t Spend 50 Years Breastfeeding Baby Yoda for Some Asshole in Helmet to Get All the Credit

Fifty years is a long time. Almost as long as my nipples after half a century of breastfeeding. Seriously, my…

5 years ago

Huge ‘Star Wars’ Planet Adds Second Town

NEVARRO — Far far away planet Nevarro has added a second town after realizing they have the room to spare,…

5 years ago

With ‘Knives Out,’ Rian Johnson Finally Bounces Back From Critically Acclaimed, Billion Dollar ‘The Last Jedi’

LOS ANGELES —  With murder mystery Knives Out, Rian Johnson appears to have finally rebounded from making the highest grossing…

5 years ago

Oh No: Jon Favreau Just Revealed That Baby Yoda’s Name is Mike Pence

We have awful news for fans of Star Wars and cute puppets everywhere; The Mandalorian creator Jon Favreau just revealed…

5 years ago

Hard Drive Investigates: Is Darth Maul Red With Black Stripes or Black With Red Stripes?

Ever since George Lucas’s sci-fi epic The Phantom Menace premiered in 1999, Star Wars fans have been obsessed with one…

5 years ago