April 9, 2020 Bernie Sanders Receives Mysterious Letter Bernie Sanders Receives Mysterious Letter BURLINGTON, Vt. — Senator Bernie Sanders has reportedly received a mysterious white letter with a red seal less than a day after announcing he was…
April 8, 2020 Opinion: Bernie Should Have Stayed in the Primary in Case He Won Every Bonus Star Opinion: Bernie Should Have Stayed in the Primary in Case He Won Every Bonus Star Bernie Sanders officially ended his bid for the White House today, ceding the Democratic nomination to former Vice President Joe Biden. Many have been calling…
March 18, 2020 Bernie Sanders’ Policies Would Take Away Americans’ Choice to Lower This Bridge for 200 Gems Bernie Sanders’ Policies Would Take Away Americans’ Choice to Lower This Bridge for 200 Gems In our political climate, there is no lack of problems to be solved. Climate change, student loan debt, trade disputes. Bernie Sanders offers big ideas…
March 7, 2020 Campaign Staff Begging Joe Biden to Stop Mashing Through Dialogue Options Campaign Staff Begging Joe Biden to Stop Mashing Through Dialogue Options PHILADELPHIA — Staffers within the Joe Biden presidential campaign are reportedly begging the former Vice President to stop mashing the A-button through all of his…
March 5, 2020 Moderates Attempt to Cancel America’s Evolution Moderates Attempt to Cancel America’s Evolution UNITED STATES — After years and countless experience points towards progression, America has finally reached a high enough level to evolve to its next form.…
February 24, 2020 DNC Backfire: Millions Plan to Write-In ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ for President After ‘Vote Blue No Matter Who’ Campaign DNC Backfire: Millions Plan to Write-In ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ for President After ‘Vote Blue No Matter Who’ Campaign WASHINGTON — Democratic National Committee officials are reportedly scrambling to fix their Vote Blue Matter Who campaign now that it has inspired millions around the…
February 23, 2020 J.K. Rowling Reveals Harry Potter Would Vote for Michael Bloomberg in Obvious Advertising Campaign J.K. Rowling Reveals Harry Potter Would Vote for Michael Bloomberg in Obvious Advertising Campaign LONDON — In what fans are calling the most pathetic example of Michael Bloomberg’s viral campaign advertising, Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling has announced on…
February 12, 2020 CNN Political Analysts Explain First Is the Worst, Second Is the Best, Third Is the One With the Hairy Chest CNN Political Analysts Explain First Is the Worst, Second Is the Best, Third Is the One With the Hairy Chest NEW YORK — Political analysts sitting around the CNN roundtable explained to viewers today after the decisive New Hampshire primary that first is the worst,…
February 4, 2020 DNC Unplugs Bernie’s Controller DNC Unplugs Bernie’s Controller DES MOINES, Iowa — In a tight caucus match late last night, the DNC pulled out Senator Bernie Sanders’ controller cord from the console of…
