March 12, 2021 Pandemic to Auto-Renew on March 12th Pandemic to Auto-Renew on March 12th EARTH — The entire world was devastated to learn Friday that, because of a general oversight on humanity’s part, the COVID-19 pandemic is going to…
March 9, 2021 America Unsure If Pandemic Is One of Those Scripted Fights You’re Supposed to Lose America Unsure If Pandemic Is One of Those Scripted Fights You’re Supposed to Lose WASHINGTON — As the infection rates and death counts throughout the nation continue to slowly creep upwards, citizens throughout the United States have begun to…
November 26, 2020 COVID-19 Gears Up for Another Double-XP Weekend COVID-19 Gears Up for Another Double-XP Weekend ATLANTA — Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have confirmed that the COVID-19 virus is gearing up for yet another Double-XP Weekend,…
May 30, 2020 Skyrim ‘Pandemic Update’ Increases Shout Damage by 1,000 Percent Skyrim ‘Pandemic Update’ Increases Shout Damage by 1,000 Percent ROCKVILLE, Md. — Bethesda Softworks announced a new “Pandemic Update” for their hit RPG, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, in which the player character will…
May 22, 2020 Coronavirus Experiences Double-XP Weekend in Re-Opened States Coronavirus Experiences Double-XP Weekend in Re-Opened States ATLANTA — Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are confirming that, following several states’ pushes to reopen, the coronavirus has experienced a…
May 6, 2020 Quarantined Gamer Dangerously Close to Finishing Game Quarantined Gamer Dangerously Close to Finishing Game RESTON, Va. — With America approaching a third month of quarantine due to COVID-19, gamer James Batson is reportedly battling a rare challenge: he is…
April 28, 2020 Community Applauds at 3 a.m. Every Day to Celebrate Gaming Heroes Who Don’t Go Outside Community Applauds at 3 a.m. Every Day to Celebrate Gaming Heroes Who Don’t Go Outside NEW YORK — The residents of New York City have begun applauding out their windows every single day at three in the morning to celebrate…
April 20, 2020 Irresponsible Villagers Still Attending Concerts During Pandemic Irresponsible Villagers Still Attending Concerts During Pandemic BIG SKY ISLAND — Residents of a single-island community in the remote ocean are defying the government’s orders for social isolation amid the Coronavirus pandemic…
April 13, 2020 Laid Off Gamer Plays Switch in Bathroom Just to Feel Normal Again Laid Off Gamer Plays Switch in Bathroom Just to Feel Normal Again LINCOLN, Neb. — After being laid off from his job at a regional cardboard box supply company last week, local gamer Dale Lowry has reportedly…
