October 31, 2020 Child Who Received Mostly Rare Candies for Halloween Now 36 Years Old Child Who Received Mostly Rare Candies for Halloween Now 36 Years Old FAIRFIELD, Conn. — Kenny Coleman, local pokemon fan and former adolescent, has reportedly received a number of rare candies in his halloween basket, leveling him…
October 30, 2020 U.S. Announces Plan to Withdraw All Troops from Donkey Kong Country by Christmas U.S. Announces Plan to Withdraw All Troops from Donkey Kong Country by Christmas WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump took to Twitter last night to announce that all American forces currently serving overseas in Donkey Kong Country are expected…
October 29, 2020 ‘America Will Look Vastly Different After November,’ Says Man Discussing ‘Hyrule Warriors’ Launch Day ‘America Will Look Vastly Different After November,’ Says Man Discussing ‘Hyrule Warriors’ Launch Day WASHINGTON — Warning his friends and loved ones of the coming weeks and months of uncertainty, local politico Philippe Cruz remarked today that America will…
October 23, 2020 Nintendo Confirms Dry Bones is Uncircumcised for Some Reason Nintendo Confirms Dry Bones is Uncircumcised for Some Reason KYOTO, Japan — In a new interview with Famitsu, Nintendo President Shuntaro Furukawa inexplicably veered off topic to confirm that Mario villain Dry Bones is…
October 22, 2020 We’re Done With Waluigi. From Now On, We’re All In on Dry Bones We’re Done With Waluigi. From Now On, We’re All In on Dry Bones We here at Hard Drive, but also we as a culture, have spent a lot of time focusing on Nintendo’s scraggly purple stick man, Waluigi.…
October 14, 2020 Gamer Pokes Head Back Into Smash Bros. Ultimate to Play Exactly One Match as Steve Gamer Pokes Head Back Into Smash Bros. Ultimate to Play Exactly One Match as Steve NEW YORK — Local gamer Jesse Nunez excitedly turned on his Switch to download the latest software update for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate so that…
October 11, 2020 Origin of Fake News Traced Back to Friend Saying He Played ‘Pokemon Purple’ in 2002 Origin of Fake News Traced Back to Friend Saying He Played ‘Pokemon Purple’ in 2002 WASHINGTON — Researchers have discovered that the origin of the “fake news” phenomenon stretches all the way back to 2002, when your friend Dennis McNulty…
October 1, 2020 Charles Martinet Steps Down as Voice of Mario After Being Unable to Finish Eating Gigantic Bowl of Spaghetti Charles Martinet Steps Down as Voice of Mario After Being Unable to Finish Eating Gigantic Bowl of Spaghetti SAN JOSE, Calif. — Famous Nintendo voice actor Charles Martinet has stepped down as the voice of Mario after failing to complete a big bowl…
September 29, 2020 5 Reasons Why We Still Don’t Believe Those ‘3D Mario Collection’ Rumors 5 Reasons Why We Still Don’t Believe Those ‘3D Mario Collection’ Rumors By now you’ve seen the rumors: a collection of some of Mario’s greatest 3D adventures are supposedly going to be released on Switch. Well, if…
