nintendo

Man Who Spent 270 Hours Playing Xenoblade Series Relieved it Meant Something

WANTAGH, N.Y. — Local gamer Lawrence Olson has reportedly breathed a sigh of relief following the announcement that the next…

4 years ago

Initial Probe of Mars Surface Reveals no New Information on Metroid Prime 4

WASHINGTON — NASA’s Perseverance rover has landed on Mars and reportedly discovered no new information about Nintendo’s upcoming video game,…

4 years ago

Fans Rage After Learning Post Malone’s Pokémon Concert Won’t Contain All His Songs

REDMOND, Wash. — The Pokémon Company has stirred controversy after revealing the upcoming concert celebrating the franchise’s 25th Anniversary will…

4 years ago

Nintendo: Mario Will No Longer Come Back to Life Starting Next Week

KYOTO, Japan — A Nintendo press release has revealed that after decades of work as video games’ most iconic mascot,…

4 years ago

No One at Mario’s High School Reunion Sure What He’s Talking About

GREAT NECK, N.Y. — Plumber, adventurer, and class of 1985 graduate Mario Mario reportedly confused the majority of his graduating…

4 years ago

Opinion: We Must Redistribute the Banana Wealth in This Donkey Kong Country

Fellow citizens, let me ask you a question: how many bananas do you have in your possession right now? Do…

4 years ago

Inconsiderate Friend Doesn’t Spoiler Tag That Princess Peach Isn’t Actually in Castle

SPOKANE, Wash. — Discord user Michael McNeil drew the ire of a Mario fan server after failing to use spoiler…

4 years ago

Kart Racer Just Wanted to See If It Would Let Him Go Over There

ROYAL RACEWAY — A kart driver at the Royal Raceway Grand Prix was accused of trespassing on the grounds of…

4 years ago

Professor Byleth Struggles to Teach Wyvern Riding Class Remotely

GARREG MACH — Officers Academy professor Byleth expressed frustration today at the continued restrictions on in-person instruction for their Wyvern…

4 years ago