June 15, 2021 Todd Howard Wishes Bethesda Showcase Were Long Enough to Tell Every Single Playstation Owner to Fuck Themselves Individually Todd Howard Wishes Bethesda Showcase Were Long Enough to Tell Every Single Playstation Owner to Fuck Themselves Individually LOS ANGELES — Todd Howard expressed regret that Bethesda’s E3 showcase was only about an hour long, because he would have loved the chance to…
May 19, 2021 Divorced, Disheveled Bill Gates Announces Everyone Is Getting a Free Xbox Divorced, Disheveled Bill Gates Announces Everyone Is Getting a Free Xbox MEDINA, Wash. — Desperately attempting to sway public opinion back into his favor after his divorce, billionaire Bill Gates announced today that he would be…
April 23, 2021 Review: PS5 Undeniably Best Way to Play PS5 Games Review: PS5 Undeniably Best Way to Play PS5 Games The console wars are still a reality in the gaming world. Every year people rely on impartial reviewers to tell them which piece of hardware…
March 28, 2021 Doomguy and Master Chief Embarrassed They Wore the Same Thing to the Office Doomguy and Master Chief Embarrassed They Wore the Same Thing to the Office REDMOND, Wash. — Following Microsoft’s acquisition of Bethesda, new co-workers Master Chief and Doomguy had an awkward first day at the office after realizing they…
November 5, 2020 Gamer Sick of Two-Console System Gamer Sick of Two-Console System WASHINGTON — Local gamer Stephen Nelson exhaustedly told friends Wednesday night that he is done with participating in the antiquated two-console system forced on him…
October 13, 2020 Microsoft Introduces Donnie and Luca, the Two Guys Who’ll Be Going Around Collecting Xbox Payments Microsoft Introduces Donnie and Luca, the Two Guys Who’ll Be Going Around Collecting Xbox Payments REDMOND, Wash. — Microsoft revealed some further details about its new payment plans for its upcoming next generation consoles, introducing Donnie and Luca, two employees…
September 24, 2020 DVD Sales of ‘American History X’ Increase 750% Amid Xbox Series X Preorders DVD Sales of ‘American History X’ Increase 750% Amid Xbox Series X Preorders SEATTLE — The controversial 1998 crime film American History X experienced a 750% increase in DVD sales this week, as thousands of customers mistook it…
September 21, 2020 Nintendo in Panic Mode After Microsoft Acquires Luigi Nintendo in Panic Mode After Microsoft Acquires Luigi KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo has reportedly entered a full state of panic with executives blindsided after Microsoft announced that it had acquired Luigi. “How is…
September 10, 2020 Microsoft Announces Xbox All Access Will Now Include a PS5 Microsoft Announces Xbox All Access Will Now Include a PS5 REDMOND, Wash. — Microsoft announced that the new Xbox All Access monthly subscription would include an Xbox Series X console, EA Play, Game Pass, Xbox…
