melee

Gamer Can’t Help But Hear ‘Continue?’ Every Day When Waking Up

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local gamer Stephen McLaughlin can’t help but hear the voice of the Super Smash Bros. Melee announcer…

4 years ago

Guy Who’s Really Good at Landing Mario’s Forward Smash Can’t Possibly Have Hurt All Those People

SAN DIEGO — Fans of professional Smash Bros. player and alleged sexual predator ‘K1ra’ have reported widespread feelings of disbelief…

4 years ago

Gamer Training Months for Melee Tournament Heartbroken Upon Discovering They Didn’t Mean ‘Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee’

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Dedicated Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee player Duncan Cooker was recently disappointed to realize that the “Melee”…

5 years ago

Get It Together: Can You Remember What Case You Left Melee in Before Your Sleepover Devolves Into Chaos?

It’s Friday, and you know what that means: the boys are coming over for a sleepover! Mom just tidied up…

5 years ago

Boyfriend Down to Two Stocks After Being Knocked Off Bed

ALBANY, N.Y. — Local boyfriend Dennis McElris is reportedly down to just two stocks after being knocked off the bed…

5 years ago

Finally: Nintendo Is Going Door to Door to Patch Wavedashing Out of Melee

Super Smash Bros. creator Masahiro Sakurai announced today that Nintendo was finally going to send representatives around the world to…

5 years ago

Melee Player Can’t Believe Someone Would Just Throw Out Zenith CRT TV With Built-In VCR From 2005

PITTSBURGH — Local Super Smash Bros. Melee player Robert Sheely stared in awe and confusion at a nearly fifteen-year-old Zenith…

5 years ago

Purist Surgeon Refuses to Operate Surgery Robot With Anything but GameCube Controller

BOSTON — Explaining that newer controllers don’t quite provide the same comfort or familiarity, surgeon Dr. Frank Powell said this…

6 years ago

“Guy Who Only Wants to Play Melee” Added to Smash Bros Roster

KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo revealed today that the newest addition to the roster of the upcoming Nintendo Switch Super Smash Bros…

7 years ago