hearthstone

Terrified ‘Hearthstone’ Escapee Not Convinced ‘Slay the Spire’ Won’t Eventually Charge Him $40 for New Cards

ARLINGTON, Texas — Local Hearthstone refugee and Slay the Spire player Jon Burke reportedly can’t shake the feeling that the…

5 years ago

Blizzard Gives Employees Box With 8.3% Chance of Containing Pink Slip

IRVINE, Calif. — After a recent earnings report announced record revenue, Activision-Blizzard initiated layoffs by handing out boxes to its…

6 years ago

White Guy Doesn’t Have Enough Mana to Play Race Card

CHICAGO — Local nerd Chris Patson found himself in a tight spot this morning during a political argument with his…

6 years ago

Gamer Jaded by Microtransactions Escapes to Local Trading Card Game Scene

FREMONT, Calif. — After hemorrhaging more than $100 for characters, skins, and various downloadable content over the past year, 24-year-old…

6 years ago

Recently Divorced Man Flicks Metaphorical Cigarette into Gasoline by Buying Magic the Gathering Starter Pack

NANTICOKE, Pa. — After going through an arduous divorce, horrified witnesses reported that local resident Andrew Stone said “fuck it”…

7 years ago

Blizzard Launches Restaurant With Shitty Servers

IRVINE, Calif. — Early reports coming from Blizzard Entertainment's newest venture, a newly opened downtown cafe, are indicating that the…

7 years ago

6 Years Ago I Decided to Invest in Either Bitcoin or Magic Cards and Now I’m Looking to Sell My Deck

As you have no doubt heard by now, Bitcoin prices are soaring up to $18,000, making many early adopters very,…

7 years ago

Fans of Beloved Franchise Anxiously Await Loosely Related Freemium iOS Game

SAN FRANCISCO — Fans of the long running Quest of the Sage series expressed overwhelming enthusiasm today, after publisher Thunderstone…

7 years ago