April 2, 2020 Gamer Kicked Out of Louvre for Trying to Jump Into Mona Lisa World Gamer Kicked Out of Louvre for Trying to Jump Into Mona Lisa World PARIS — Panic broke out within the Louvre earlier this week when a tourist attempted to launch himself over the crowd and through Leonardo da…
March 24, 2020 Unintuitive Controls Convenient Excuse for Sucking Real Bad at Game Unintuitive Controls Convenient Excuse for Sucking Real Bad at Game LODI, N.J. — After consistently failing the same mission over and over, local gamer Josh Chung declared that unintuitive controls were to blame for his…
March 8, 2020 Gamer Touches Stove for First Time This Year Gamer Touches Stove for First Time This Year PASADENA, Calif. — Local gamer Miles Trench has reportedly touched his fingertip to the surface of his oven for the first time since November 2019, moving…
February 29, 2020 Casual Gamer Can’t Even Beat First Stage of Grief Casual Gamer Can’t Even Beat First Stage of Grief CLARKSVILLE, Tenn. — Twenty-eight year old Liam Glasser, secretly loathed by his friends and loved ones for failing to make meaningful progress in video games,…
January 3, 2020 Overworked Gamer Wishes He Could Just Stay Home and Hate Games All Day Overworked Gamer Wishes He Could Just Stay Home and Hate Games All Day SEATTLE — After working nearly the entire holiday season without a day off, local Walmart cashier Frank Lamonte reported that he had grown exhausted, and…
March 27, 2019 Gamers’ Rights Breakthrough: Cory Booker Will Say The Words ‘Video Games’ On Television Tonight Gamers’ Rights Breakthrough: Cory Booker Will Say The Words ‘Video Games’ On Television Tonight ORANGEBURG, S.C. — A leaked portion of one of Senator Cory Booker’s 2020 campaign documents has gamers anticipating an important cultural breakthrough: a presidential candidate…
February 19, 2019 Gamer Girl Toes [DO NOT PUBLISH] Gamer Girl Toes [DO NOT PUBLISH] Dear Hard Drive editors, Here are the pictures you wanted. I don’t have your email addresses so I uploaded this as a draft in WordPress…
November 17, 2018 Opinion: It’s Time for a Gamer President Opinion: It’s Time for a Gamer President Our country is in political turmoil as we look to our leaders and see no one who will rise up to the challenge of defeating…
August 25, 2018 Professional Streamer Thanks Fans For Slowly Ruining His Favorite Hobby Professional Streamer Thanks Fans For Slowly Ruining His Favorite Hobby GRAYSLAKE, Ill. — At the end of a twelve hour stream last night, Manson Prate, known to his Twitch followers as CoolGate, thanked his viewers…
