January 10, 2021 Opinion: We Must Redistribute the Banana Wealth in This Donkey Kong Country Opinion: We Must Redistribute the Banana Wealth in This Donkey Kong Country Fellow citizens, let me ask you a question: how many bananas do you have in your possession right now? Do you feel that you have…
October 30, 2020 U.S. Announces Plan to Withdraw All Troops from Donkey Kong Country by Christmas U.S. Announces Plan to Withdraw All Troops from Donkey Kong Country by Christmas WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump took to Twitter last night to announce that all American forces currently serving overseas in Donkey Kong Country are expected…
July 19, 2020 Man Tasked With Making Score for a Monkey Riding a Swordfish Underwater Creates Transcendent Piece of Music Man Tasked With Making Score for a Monkey Riding a Swordfish Underwater Creates Transcendent Piece of Music COALVILLE, U.K. — Donkey Kong Country’s recent addition to the Nintendo Switch Online SNES collection has fans and audiophiles alike appreciating ‘Aquatic Ambience,’ the absolutely…
April 21, 2020 Price of Barrel With Diddy Kong Stuffed Inside Reaches All Time Low Price of Barrel With Diddy Kong Stuffed Inside Reaches All Time Low DONKEY KONG ISLAND — The price of a wooden barrel containing Diddy Kong, beloved friend and sidekick of Donkey Kong, has plummeted to an all…
February 28, 2020 Study: 85% of Christians Still Do Not Believe Humans Evolved From Donkey Kong Study: 85% of Christians Still Do Not Believe Humans Evolved From Donkey Kong WASHINGTON — According to a nationwide survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, an overwhelming 85% of Christians do not accept the scientific truth that…
September 16, 2017 Gamers Furious as Arcade Machine Introduces 25 Cent Microtransactions Gamers Furious as Arcade Machine Introduces 25 Cent Microtransactions PHOENIX — Anger erupted among several gamers after a local arcade machine suddenly began charging unsuspecting players 25 cents to access more of the game…
