June 27, 2021 Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’ Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’ MIDDLETON, Wis. — Local dipshit and occasional tabletop gamer Christian Taylor has cancelled on his supposedly regular Dungeons and Dragons group yet again with the…
February 27, 2021 Dungeons & Dragons Film Stalled After Chris Pine Chooses Charisma as Dump Stat Dungeons & Dragons Film Stalled After Chris Pine Chooses Charisma as Dump Stat LOS ANGELES — Paramount’s troubled Dungeons & Dragons adaptation hit yet another roadblock today after lead Chris Pine chose Charisma as his dump stat during…
December 13, 2020 Single D&D Session Gives New Player Confidence to Buy $50 Worth of Accessories Single D&D Session Gives New Player Confidence to Buy $50 Worth of Accessories ATLANTA — New Dungeons and Dragons enthusiast Clarissa Elliotte reportedly bought $50 worth of accessories after playing her first session of the tabletop roleplaying game.…
November 29, 2020 Dog Wastes Only Inventory Slot on Frisbee Dog Wastes Only Inventory Slot on Frisbee SEATTLE — Adorable old english sheepdog and total noob, Pancakes, blew the only slot in his extremely limited inventory on a single frisbee, disappointed sources…
September 22, 2020 Loser Spends Three Years Earning Master’s Degree When He Could’ve Been Writing a Sick D&D Campaign Loser Spends Three Years Earning Master’s Degree When He Could’ve Been Writing a Sick D&D Campaign RALEIGH, N.C. — A local graduate’s Masters of Fine Arts degree was tainted by the realization the past three years could have been spent crafting…
August 30, 2020 Dungeon Master Sneaks a Few Real Dice in With Those Sex Ones Dungeon Master Sneaks a Few Real Dice in With Those Sex Ones PITTSBURGH — A recent attempt at invigorating the intimacy of Dana Boyer’s relationship with an avid role-playing fanatic ended horribly after her husband Stephen Barker…
July 11, 2020 Dungeon Master Increases Puzzle’s Difficulty by Describing It Shittily Dungeon Master Increases Puzzle’s Difficulty by Describing It Shittily SILVERTON, Ore. — In a groundbreaking move to combat his players’ adeptness at solving riddles and subverting challenges, local dungeon master Dan Richards supercharged the…
May 26, 2020 D&D Party Plans Intervention for Character’s Item Hoarding D&D Party Plans Intervention for Character’s Item Hoarding GREENE, N.Y. — A local Dungeons and Dragons group recently completed a three hour session that was secretly planned as an intervention for the item…
April 26, 2020 Wizard Casts ‘Mage Hand’ So It Feels Like Someone Else is Doing It Wizard Casts ‘Mage Hand’ So It Feels Like Someone Else is Doing It CHICAGO — Local level 2 Half-Elf wizard Stedd Tallstag recently casted ‘Mage Hand’ so it felt like somebody else was jacking him off after retiring…
