February 5, 2020 R2-D2 Suddenly Remembers a Bunch of Cool Shit It Can Do R2-D2 Suddenly Remembers a Bunch of Cool Shit It Can Do LOTHAL — Just as he and his friends were almost certainly doomed while trying to escape a secret base of the Empire’s they had infiltrated,…
December 5, 2019 Oh No: Jon Favreau Just Revealed That Baby Yoda’s Name is Mike Pence Oh No: Jon Favreau Just Revealed That Baby Yoda’s Name is Mike Pence We have awful news for fans of Star Wars and cute puppets everywhere; The Mandalorian creator Jon Favreau just revealed that Baby Yoda’s actual canonical…
November 21, 2019 BREAKING: Baby Yoda Has Died BREAKING: Baby Yoda Has Died MATMATA, Tunisia — Close sources from within The Mandalorian production team solemnly reported today that breakout star Baby Yoda died while filming on location in…
November 13, 2019 Fans Upset After Disney+ Changes Classic ‘Simpsons’ Scene to Make It Look Like Mr. Burns Shot Maggie First Fans Upset After Disney+ Changes Classic ‘Simpsons’ Scene to Make It Look Like Mr. Burns Shot Maggie First NEW YORK — In an unfortunate mishandling of the beloved franchise, fans across the internet expressed their disappointment earlier today that Disney’s new Disney+ streaming…
August 30, 2019 Final ‘Star Wars’ Film Brings Aging Gatekeeper Out of Retirement for One Last Scold Final ‘Star Wars’ Film Brings Aging Gatekeeper Out of Retirement for One Last Scold OMAHA, Neb. — Following the release of new footage from Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker at the D23 Expo, longtime gatekeeper Doug Michalski, 54,…
July 12, 2019 Disney Creates Beautifully Realistic CGI Audience to Enjoy ‘The Lion King’ Disney Creates Beautifully Realistic CGI Audience to Enjoy ‘The Lion King’ LOS ANGELES — Directed by Jon Favreau, Disney announced today a perfectly photo-realistic CGI audience created to enjoy the studio’s remake of The Lion King.…
June 24, 2019 Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge Features Incredibly Lifelike Rian Johnson for Fans to Yell At Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge Features Incredibly Lifelike Rian Johnson for Fans to Yell At ORLANDO, Fla. — Alongside its life-size Millennium Falcon and replica lightsabers for purchase, Disney revealed that its new Star Wars-themed section of Disneyworld will also…
June 20, 2019 Bob Iger Seen Begging Subway Passengers For Additional $50 Million to Beat Box Office Record Bob Iger Seen Begging Subway Passengers For Additional $50 Million to Beat Box Office Record NEW YORK — CEO of the Walt Disney Company Bob Iger was seen panhandling on the New York City subway this morning asking passengers for…
June 29, 2018 Boba Fett Movie Rumored to be 90 Minutes of Climbing Out of Sarlacc Pit in Real Time Boba Fett Movie Rumored to be 90 Minutes of Climbing Out of Sarlacc Pit in Real Time LOS ANGELES — Although Disney has confirmed that the Boba Fett standalone film will be delayed, rumors are circulating that the reasoning is due to…
