June 26, 2021 Opinion: I Think Batman Does Eat Pussy and He’s Really Fucking Good At It Opinion: I Think Batman Does Eat Pussy and He’s Really Fucking Good At It I’m not normally vocal about the public affairs of Gotham. My place is the private sector and I’m just a random businessman. While I don’t…
January 10, 2021 Opinion: We Must Redistribute the Banana Wealth in This Donkey Kong Country Opinion: We Must Redistribute the Banana Wealth in This Donkey Kong Country Fellow citizens, let me ask you a question: how many bananas do you have in your possession right now? Do you feel that you have…
July 16, 2020 Saying ‘Hey! Listen!’ Is No Longer Enough Saying ‘Hey! Listen!’ Is No Longer Enough Ever since Ganondorf attacked Hyrule, I’ve had to constantly remind you that we can’t go back to our normal lives until this great evil is…
July 12, 2020 Opinion: Video Games are for Children. If You’re an Adult, You Should Stare at a Wall Until You Fucking Die Opinion: Video Games are for Children. If You’re an Adult, You Should Stare at a Wall Until You Fucking Die Listen, here’s the deal: there is absolutely nothing wrong with liking video games if you’re a child, but that needs to be the limit. The…
March 22, 2020 Opinion: Dog Owners Must Disclose Probability of Throwing Ball Opinion: Dog Owners Must Disclose Probability of Throwing Ball First of all, woof. Secondly: we dogs have sniffed out a big hole in the gaming community that needs to be dug up right away.…
December 25, 2019 Merry PISSmas, Shitbird! It’s Time to Kick Ass and Spread Cheer, and I’m All Out of Cheer Merry PISSmas, Shitbird! It’s Time to Kick Ass and Spread Cheer, and I’m All Out of Cheer Ho-ho-hail to the king, baby! It’s me, God’s gift to women, Duke Nukem, here to wish you season’s greetings…or at least, that was the plan,…
December 6, 2018 No DreamCast Classic: You Motherfuckers Had Your Chance to Buy One the First Time No DreamCast Classic: You Motherfuckers Had Your Chance to Buy One the First Time Hiya kids, it’s me, your pal Sonic the Hedgehog! I am saying this one time and one time only, there will NEVER be a chance…
March 7, 2018 Winning for Losers: How to Win at Camping by Being the Only Survivor Winning for Losers: How to Win at Camping by Being the Only Survivor Hello. I’m Greg Parker, eSports legend and streaming megastar (despite what you may have heard, my lawyer says I will be getting all my accounts…
