February 4, 2020 DNC Unplugs Bernie’s Controller DNC Unplugs Bernie’s Controller DES MOINES, Iowa — In a tight caucus match late last night, the DNC pulled out Senator Bernie Sanders’ controller cord from the console of…
January 11, 2020 Nation Not Sure Normal-Type Candidate Even Worth Catching Nation Not Sure Normal-Type Candidate Even Worth Catching CEDAR RAPIDS, Mich. — After months of deliberation during a contentious Democratic primary, voters are beginning to wonder whether a Normal-type Presidential candidate is even…
July 1, 2019 Bernie Sanders Promises All Little Brothers Will Get a Turn on the PlayStation Bernie Sanders Promises All Little Brothers Will Get a Turn on the PlayStation CONCORD, N.H. — Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders announced his “Gaming for All” legislative plan, which would provide government-backed equal play time for little brothers across…
June 23, 2019 This Is How Bernie Sanders Can Still Beat Avatar’s Box Office Record This Is How Bernie Sanders Can Still Beat Avatar’s Box Office Record This much is clear: Bernie Sanders is the only politician championing millennial nerds. From being the top sword-guy candidate to tweeting support for video game…
June 21, 2019 Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders Practice Fusion Dance For Hours in Attempt to Merge Into Ideal Candidate Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders Practice Fusion Dance For Hours in Attempt to Merge Into Ideal Candidate KAMI’S LOOKOUT — Sweating and breathing heavily from their strenuous efforts, sources confirmed Wednesday that Senator Elizabeth Warren and Senator Bernie Sanders were hard at…
March 19, 2019 I’m Voting For Bernie Sanders Unless Another Candidate Proves They Have More Swords Than Him I’m Voting For Bernie Sanders Unless Another Candidate Proves They Have More Swords Than Him The 2020 Democratic Primary race is shaping up to be a cutthroat march to the nomination. Well, it was, until I learned that Bernie Sanders…
