October 22, 2020 Tim Cook Announces “We Decided to Make the iPhone Worse This Time” Tim Cook Announces “We Decided to Make the iPhone Worse This Time” CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple CEO Tim Cook astonished Silicon Valley with a promise to disregard customers’ high expectations at this week’s iPhone press event. “Every…
August 25, 2020 Apple Announces Twenty Dollar Bill That Will Cost Fifty Dollars Apple Announces Twenty Dollar Bill That Will Cost Fifty Dollars SEATTLE — Apple’s latest addition to its signature line of products was revealed today, an American twenty dollar bill whose base model will retail for…
August 23, 2020 Fortnite Season 4 Map Adds Steve Jobs’ Grave Fortnite Season 4 Map Adds Steve Jobs’ Grave CARY, N.C. — The map for Fortnite’s upcoming 4th season has been revealed, and it features wacky new locations such as Twisted Tunnel, Rainbow Park,…
August 16, 2020 Gamers Riot in Streets to Ensure Epic Gets Better Revenue Sharing Deal With Apple Gamers Riot in Streets to Ensure Epic Gets Better Revenue Sharing Deal With Apple SEATTLE — In response to the escalating tension between Apple and Epic, masses of angry gamers have taken to the streets to show support for…
August 16, 2020 John Hodgman Beats the Shit Out of Justin Long in New Fortnite Video John Hodgman Beats the Shit Out of Justin Long in New Fortnite Video LOS ANGELES — Epic Games has furthered their legal battle with Apple by releasing a video featuring John Hodgman and Justin Long reprising their roles…
June 3, 2019 New Apple iLadder Lets You Look Down on Your Poor Friends New Apple iLadder Lets You Look Down on Your Poor Friends CUPERTINO, Calif. — During his WWDC keynote speech this morning, Apple CEO Tim Cook announced the iLadder, a new product designed to allow customers of…
March 25, 2019 Apple’s New Streaming Service Boldly Removes Your TV’s HDMI Ports Apple’s New Streaming Service Boldly Removes Your TV’s HDMI Ports CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple announced their long-awaited new streaming service Apple TV+ during a keynote address at the company’s headquarters this morning, introducing a slate…
