December 16, 2020 Donald Trump Retracts Lawsuit Barring Pokémon Company From Using Likeness in Muk Cards Donald Trump Retracts Lawsuit Barring Pokémon Company From Using Likeness in Muk Cards WASHINGTON — Following a string of other legal concessions in the waning days of his term, President Donald Trump announced this morning that he would…
November 29, 2020 Eric Trump Hunts Weakened Donald Jr. for Sport Eric Trump Hunts Weakened Donald Jr. for Sport LA PAMPA, Argentina — Donald Trump Jr.’s recent COVID-19 diagnosis has inspired his brother Eric to hunt him for sport, several sources close to the…
November 8, 2020 Wrong Game Show Host Dies Wrong Game Show Host Dies LOS ANGELES — A heartbroken nation looked on with remorse this afternoon as reports tragically confirmed that the wrong game show host had died early…
November 8, 2020 Donald Trump Decides to Buy PS5 After All Donald Trump Decides to Buy PS5 After All WASHINGTON — After initially claiming he was going to hold out until more exclusive next-gen titles became available, President Donald Trump has reversed his claim…
November 7, 2020 Republicans Try to Decipher “Haha Just Chillin” After QAnon Accidentally Posts on Wrong Account Republicans Try to Decipher “Haha Just Chillin” After QAnon Accidentally Posts on Wrong Account WASHINGTON — Republicans nationwide are struggling to decipher a cryptic message from Q, the anonymous leader of conspiracy theory QAnon, after they accidentally posted “haha…
November 5, 2020 Gamer Tip: Your Vote Is Wasted If It’s Not Concentrated on a Blinking Weak Spot Gamer Tip: Your Vote Is Wasted If It’s Not Concentrated on a Blinking Weak Spot PENNSYLVANIA — Gamer consultants have advised the Trump and Biden campaigns that it’s pointless to spam votes in low-effect areas like California and Kentucky, when…
November 5, 2020 Gamer Sick of Two-Console System Gamer Sick of Two-Console System WASHINGTON — Local gamer Stephen Nelson exhaustedly told friends Wednesday night that he is done with participating in the antiquated two-console system forced on him…
November 3, 2020 Gamer Buys Both Nate Silver and Nate Gold Versions to Get Full Results Gamer Buys Both Nate Silver and Nate Gold Versions to Get Full Results ERIE, Pa. — Local gamer Glenn Rice reportedly purchased both Nate Silver and Nate Gold versions of the 2020 presidential election forecast in order to…
November 3, 2020 Jeffrey Toobin Announces He Failed ‘No Nut November’ Jeffrey Toobin Announces He Failed ‘No Nut November’ NEW YORK — New Yorker reporter Jeffrey Toobin announced on social media today that he failed the viral internet challenge to not ejaculate during the…
