August 2, 2017 Cruel and Unusual: Prison Console for Inmates Only Has Mad Catz Controller Cruel and Unusual: Prison Console for Inmates Only Has Mad Catz Controller ALLENTOWN, Penn. — Alleghany County Jail admitted today, in a shocking revelation, that the XBOX it allows prisoners to spend their “positivity” token to play…
July 31, 2017 The Mooch Breaks White House Speed Run Record The Mooch Breaks White House Speed Run Record WASHINGTON — Newly hired White House Communications Director Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci was fired by President Trump today, after only ten days on the job,…
July 29, 2017 NSA Denies Watching Your Half of Screen NSA Denies Watching Your Half of Screen WASHINGTON – National Security Agency Director Michael S. Rogers released an official statement today denying all accusations that the NSA has been watching your half…
July 27, 2017 Paperboy Accosted for Throwing Fake News at Man’s Home Paperboy Accosted for Throwing Fake News at Man’s Home ANYTOWN, U.S. — Johnny Johnson, local paperboy, has been hospitalized after being severely beaten by local resident Grady Hollis for delivering “fake news” to Hollis’…
July 25, 2017 Trump Reminds GOP Senators Before Healthcare Vote “No Russian” Trump Reminds GOP Senators Before Healthcare Vote “No Russian” WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump grimly said to GOP lawmakers “Remember, no Russian,” moments before the elevator doors opened to the Senate floor for the…
July 17, 2017 This Guy Made a Fully Functioning Computer in Minecraft That Blocks @notch on Twitter This Guy Made a Fully Functioning Computer in Minecraft That Blocks @notch on Twitter Whoa! We spoke to the brilliant Cody Bigley today, who used hundreds of thousands of blocks in the virtual world of Minecraft to build a…
July 11, 2017 Climate Scientists Warn That All Super Mario Levels Will Be Underwater by 2025 Climate Scientists Warn That All Super Mario Levels Will Be Underwater by 2025 PARIS — Top climate scientists released a new peer-reviewed research paper today, which warns that all Super Mario stages will become underwater levels within the…
June 28, 2017 I Don’t Care If You Agree With His Policies, Bowser Is Your King I Don’t Care If You Agree With His Policies, Bowser Is Your King Not your king, huh? Grow up. Quick question: are you a citizen of the Mushroom Kingdom? And is there a giant black flag with Bowser’s…
June 27, 2017 Black Mage Tired of Being Followed Around Item Shop Black Mage Tired of Being Followed Around Item Shop CORNELIA, World A — A heated confrontation took place at the item shop earlier today, involving a black mage who claims he was being unfairly…
