August 10, 2019 Agent 47 Finds Manhattan Jail Mission Weirdly Easy Agent 47 Finds Manhattan Jail Mission Weirdly Easy NEW YORK — During his latest mission to kill and silence noted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein in the Manhattan Correctional Center before he could testify about…
August 6, 2019 160 Million Americans Added to Suspected Terrorist List 160 Million Americans Added to Suspected Terrorist List WASHINGTON — The United States government has added the over 160 million Americans that play video games to a growing list of those likely to…
August 5, 2019 With Japan Having Just Six Shooting Deaths Last Year, It’s Clear the Solution to Gun Violence Is Tentacle Porn With Japan Having Just Six Shooting Deaths Last Year, It’s Clear the Solution to Gun Violence Is Tentacle Porn What, do you have any better ideas? If you have access to these life saving videos of Japanese tentacle pornography, please send it here. Thank you.
July 29, 2019 Kamala Harris Announces Debt-Forgiveness Program for Gamers Who Finish Mother 4 Kamala Harris Announces Debt-Forgiveness Program for Gamers Who Finish Mother 4 SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Senator Kamala Harris announced a new policy plan that erases all student debt for gamers who are able to complete a 100%…
July 28, 2019 You Cannot Have a Sex Scandal If You Have Never Had Sex You Cannot Have a Sex Scandal If You Have Never Had Sex My fellow Americans: First, let me thank you for the overwhelming support I have received just a month into my presidential campaign. At this rate,…
July 16, 2019 Opinion: All Twitch Streamers Deserve a Minimum Viewership Opinion: All Twitch Streamers Deserve a Minimum Viewership Much has been made of economic inequality during this election. While I agree that it’s a major problem, there is a form of inequality my…
July 10, 2019 Anti-Loot Box Senator Wakes Up to Crate With 1/5 Chance of Containing Horse Head Anti-Loot Box Senator Wakes Up to Crate With 1/5 Chance of Containing Horse Head WASHINGTON — Freshman Republican Senator from Missouri, Josh Hawley, discovered a box in his bed that said it contained a 20% chance of having a…
July 8, 2019 Ace Watkins is the First Gamer to Run for President of the United States Ace Watkins is the First Gamer to Run for President of the United States Hard Drive is officially endorsing Ace Watkins for President of the United States. Today he announced his candidacy with the following message and video. Please…
July 3, 2019 Report: White House Aides Did Not Brief Trump About Banjo-Kazooie for Smash Report: White House Aides Did Not Brief Trump About Banjo-Kazooie for Smash WASHINGTON — A White House staffer confirmed earlier this week that President Trump had not yet been briefed about Nintendo’s announcement that it would be…
