July 18, 2017 Help! I Can’t Get Past the Part in Dark Souls 3 Where My Wife Threatens to Take the Kids and Go Help! I Can’t Get Past the Part in Dark Souls 3 Where My Wife Threatens to Take the Kids and Go Help! I’ve been playing Dark Souls nonstop for the past three weeks and I’m completely stuck. Does anyone know how to get past the part…
July 17, 2017 This Guy Made a Fully Functioning Computer in Minecraft That Blocks @notch on Twitter This Guy Made a Fully Functioning Computer in Minecraft That Blocks @notch on Twitter Whoa! We spoke to the brilliant Cody Bigley today, who used hundreds of thousands of blocks in the virtual world of Minecraft to build a…
July 16, 2017 Game of Thrones Show Now Ahead of Local Man’s Masturbation Fantasies Game of Thrones Show Now Ahead of Local Man’s Masturbation Fantasies OAK HILL, Tenn. — Hit TV show Game Of Thrones will officially surpass the plot of Nashville-area resident Drew Cale’s nightly self-pleasuring daydreams with the premiere…
July 14, 2017 Backwoods Meth Tweaker Pumped About WWE2K18 Soundtrack Backwoods Meth Tweaker Pumped About WWE2K18 Soundtrack DALLAS — Travis Skode, a local scrap collector and long time crystal meth addict, proclaimed his satisfaction with the most recent soundtrack of 2K’s WWE2K…
July 14, 2017 GameStop Employee Whips Himself in Back Room After Failing to Sell Pre-Order GameStop Employee Whips Himself in Back Room After Failing to Sell Pre-Order BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — GameStop sales representative Donald Simpson quietly walked to the employee breakroom and proceeded to whip himself after failing to convince a customer…
July 13, 2017 Noobs Find Summer Love While Camping Noobs Find Summer Love While Camping BOISE, Idaho — A romance reportedly blossomed between two teenagers while spawn camping during online matches of Team Fortress 2, a game both were forced…
July 12, 2017 No Trade Backs: Local Mom Set to Appeal Playground Ruling After Botched Charizard Deal No Trade Backs: Local Mom Set to Appeal Playground Ruling After Botched Charizard Deal ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Stephanie Lee, a mother of three, is set to appear before a high playground court tomorrow to appeal the “no trade backs” policy…
July 11, 2017 Climate Scientists Warn That All Super Mario Levels Will Be Underwater by 2025 Climate Scientists Warn That All Super Mario Levels Will Be Underwater by 2025 PARIS — Top climate scientists released a new peer-reviewed research paper today, which warns that all Super Mario stages will become underwater levels within the…
July 10, 2017 Ms. Pac-Man Trying to Cut Back on White Dots for Bikini Season Ms. Pac-Man Trying to Cut Back on White Dots for Bikini Season NEON MAZE — Ms. Pac-Man resigned herself to yet another meal of white dots after an emotionally exhausting afternoon of swimsuit shopping today, according to close…
